I read somewhere that start your day off with a positive thought even if you are not in that mindset. It can't be more obvious that I am no where near a PMA.
You are right about some of this being tied to age. Loosing parents... not as much a surprise. BD though... one meeting with her and the lawyers. Any progress I made, or thought I made... wiped out in seconds. This morning again.
I am not real happy with myself either. Be strong, supportive, stoic. So much for those. Can't imagine she sees me as anything other than weak ,needy and pathetic. Scratch that, not happy is a major understatement, more like loathe and even hate myself.
GAL... should be more than church, the gym and my kids. Absolutely. I also have a house that is packed to the rafters. Paperwork that I need to gather and get to my L so she can share with wife's L. A W who wants out and her stack of stuff seems to be breeding. Can't even get to stuff I need to sort out. So much fun.
Kicker is that we can and have worked together like we used to, like we should have and even still could. Can't push that though.
There is a lot I don't want to hear. Absolutes from her, especially negatives. She can just destroy me so easily. Payback for past slights real or not? Mind reading and not useful. I know I did mess up like Super Bowl level mess up. Right now there doesn't seem to be a second season. No trip to Disney.
On a lighter note. Youngest granddaughter is seven months today. W still hasn't informed oldest D about when she might see the baby. That is so on her. That first year goes by and soon they are graduating. I have pictures with her at about three and a half months. Can't replace or get a do over for that. So yeah I am glad I went. Long boring drive with scratched CD book. Tattoo and trip to Canada for church service. Memories that are just mine. *sad* But that is the past and set immutably so.
Am I doing better now compared to the past 36 hours or so? Yes. But I am having to sweep the rubble away and start over.
Thanks again everyone. Lots of reads and not many replies gets me to thinking I am out on point and back up isn't close. Not true but in the dark help could be at your elbow and you never know it.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
