Whirlwind of Hurt 7

[Twofeet]

Hey Did thanks for the words of encouragement. Since I am on here I will comment and share some of my current thoughts. I do love my job, it's a lifestyle as much as it is a career. It gives me purpose outside of my family. I am a glass is half full guy, it helps me bounce back and move forward with that type of PMA. While every R is 50/50 sometimes the outcome just isn't 50/50. I understand my failures, but I don't think I was 50% culpable for the end result. She had been chasing external happiness and running from her internal demons for some time now. Unfortunately, myself and our MR became the next target of her pursuit. If I realized my failures could I help her overcome her issues? Maybe, but also maybe the end result would have been delayed. She appears outwardly happy now, but that is just until her shiny new thing wears off. We had interactions I posted here that shows the cracks in her armor. I am indeed concerned for her, but my job as the H is over. It's time for me and the kids only. I do hope for a recon down the road, but that would require a lot of growing up to do on her part. I am just not sure that is going to happen.

Just a quick update. I signed on Tues. it was rubber stamped and became official on Thursday. The mediator said it was the fastest turnaround they have ever seen. I was bummed so I went night skiing that night to get my mind off it. I have the kids this weekend and we have plans so that is good. Still working on detachment as I battle the thoughts of what she is doing as a new divorcee this weekend. Probably out celebrating. Fortunately, I can squash the runaway thoughts better. The emotional raucous these thoughts cause are a lot quieter and while they bum me out the dont set me off in a tailspin.