TJT Becoming a "MFS"

[TJT]

Oooh TJT lots of good stuff here.

It seemed I was somewhat... and I stress "somewhat"... at peace with my situation, moreso just living my life and not worrying about anything else. In a way I guess I was just distracted but I really do think the feeling will be carrying over. At least I hope. We did talk about my H a bit but it was in a productive way (not distracting from our vacation).

This was how I turned a corner. Distraction by something fun. It doesn't take the pain away, it's not denial. It's just the fact that you can simultaneously live your life while processing your grief. This is great.

Yes! I was so proud to have felt/realized that ("happy" doesn't quite seem like the right word).

.. or maybe he was just like "Ugh.. I regret everything. I want to go home to my W." Of course I'm going to go with the latter...

Not yet. Don't do this. He isn't there, don't psyche yourself out to pretend that he is. He was likely curious, but NOT in a way that will change his mind right now. (remember: right NOW. The future is undetermined)

I'm so glad you had fun and it pushed you into a positive mentality. Just be careful thinking your H viewing your story "means" something. Right now it doesn't. Remember that. Not now. Maybe later.

I know you're right about this. I'm right there with you, and even though of course I hope for it to mean something deep down, I said that somewhat facetiously. I have definitely just filed this in the "noted" folder for now. No further action from me, not further expectation from him. Just a fact of something that happened, and if it compounds into something down the line, so be it.

I just liked the actual fact that even if it means nothing about him wanting to be back together with me, I'm still taking up space in his consciousness - and I don't say that out of vanity, but rather it makes me feel more sane and again, that he IS still at least part human...a teeny tiny bit of human somewhere in that alien.