I'm fascinated by the clitoris and I strive to understand more about it and how it feels to a woman. My spouse has never uttered the word and I have never brought up the subject with her. I think this situation could do with great improvement. It seems the whole topic is still very much taboo and I read recently that US broadcasting forbids the use of the word. In my philosophy this is crazy because to me the clitoris is identical to the penis except you cannot see most of it but in most cases it's probably bigger than the penis at nearly 9". We are all created out of the same foetal tissue and certain hormones cause the same cells to shape into a penis or a clitoris. However society can openly talk about men's genitals but not women's. Why is there this stupid sexist difference in the 21st century?
As I've never managed to have an open talk about this or will ever have experience of how a clitoris feels like for a woman (unless a genie pops out of a bottle and offers me 3 wishes), I would love to know from a HD W how it works for them. This might sound naive but do you get erections and can actually feel it beginning to enlarging? Do these erections happen spontaneously during the day like they do with us guys? If they do, does this trigger your brain to feel turned on or is it the reverse case that your brain drives feelings the in your genitals? I'm trying to understand whether LD women just don't get these feelings and whether this is analagous to impotence (I prefer "erectile dysfunction") in men.
I know this is intimate detail but I'd like someone to describe the sequence from a female point of view when you MB, how you get turned on though to the point of orgasm and the afterglow. I can't believe its that different from the male sequence or am I totally wrong and us guys are just physically driven whereas you girls are all emotionally driven?
I would suggest getting a book on the subject, but I'll share my experience which may differ from other HD women.
Quote: This might sound naive but do you get erections and can actually feel it beginning to enlarging? Do these erections happen spontaneously during the day like they do with us guys? If they do, does this trigger your brain to feel turned on or is it the reverse case that your brain drives feelings the in your genitals?
I would be very rare for me to encounter something in the course of a typical day that would make me feel instantly aroused in the way I assume men do (of course this might change if codpieces come back into fashion(LOL)) .
If I did encounter something arousing, I wouldn't experience it as blood flow to my clitoris, though that might be going on.It would be more of a generalized feeling of warmth and tingling. If I allowed myself to think about the arousing event, develop it into a fantasy in my mind, then I would feel more aroused. For example, if I saw a muscular construction worker with his shirt off on the street, I would probably just think "yum" and feel a slight tingle which would promptly disappear. At this stage of my life,I am unable to develop mental fantasies that star anyone but my husband, but if I wasn't so pathetically monogamous, when I had some free time later, I might start thinking more about the construction worker and his muscular arms and what we might do together. This would cause me to become much more aroused and I would have more of a sense of the feeling of heat and "tingling" being concentrated in my genital area, but still I wouldn't experience the sensation as being concentrated in my clitoris. I would need pretty direct clitoral stimulation in order to concentrate the sensation to that area and then achieve orgasm.
So, I guess I'm saying that at least for me, the brain is a quite important component of the arousal process. The best way to explain it is that I have to tell myself a little "story" about what is going to happen in order to find myself in a fully aroused state. This is probably why romance novels are so popular with women and porn movies with lame plot lines are not.
On the other hand, I could start from zero arousal and quickly become fully aroused, if for instance my husband snuck up behind me and started fondling me. This might be because my husband doing this is a favorite "story" that I've told myself many times.
Even not having enough sex doesn't cause me to spend my day in a state of arousal. The feeling of sexual deprivation for me is more like not getting enough vitamins or perhaps more like being totally lacking in one essential vitamin. I become listless, crabby and depressed.
Quote: how you get turned on though to the point of orgasm and the afterglow
Given that I'm in a state of arousal, in order to orgasm through clitoral stimulation, I need a steady rhythm with breaks. Like I'm being marched up the mountain, with a few quick breaks so that I don't become over stimulated. The clitoris has all the nerve endings that the penis has but concentrated in a smaller area and is therefore very, very sensitive, there is a fine line between pleasure and pain.
To me that is what orgasm feels like-being marched up a mountain of pleasure until I reach the peak and orgasm is like jumping off the mountain or in the case of multiple orgasm bungee-jumping off the mountain. Some orgasms are more "tight" , the mountain peak is higher and you practically run up the mountain, others orgasms are "broader", the mountain isn't so high and you have more time to take in the scenery as you climb. The afterglow is like after you jumped off the mountain you land in some nice warm water and the waves rock up your body. Then you slap your husband on the ass and say "Good job" and go to sleep (just kiddin').
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
This is absolutely the most pointless thread on this board and I hope that we let this drop.
english_gent, don't you have some more important issues to be focusing on? What could it possibly do for you to know what the women on this board feel like.
If you really want to know what a clitoris feels like in a misguided attempt to help your situation, then ask your partner.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
Dave, I thought this post was mean. Just because you are now "enlightened" doesn't give you the right to slam other people's attempts at understanding their partner and their partner's body.
If you don't like the post and don't think it has merit, then pass it on by. Isn't that what TRUE differentiation is about? Knowing that there are things in the world (and in your partner) that you may not like, but you are a strong and independent enough person to still be yourself and not be sucked in?
Quote: This is absolutely the most pointless thread on this board and I hope that we let this drop.
While I appreciate your right to state your "preference" regarding what others choose to post on this board, I think you need to acknowledge that not everyone is on the same page as you with this issue.
Please, feel free to not click on threads entitled "the clitoris' if you do not want to learn about the clitoris.
If you feel my post was inappropriate, please feel free to contact the message board administrator. Regardless of the reaction it seems to have garnered, my intent was to be honest and helpful. If I wanted to write erotica, I could do a lot better than that.
Also, I think upon reflection there is a lot that could be learned from my post.Firstly, for some women, an active sexual fantasy life is an absolute prerequisite for an active real world one. While I consider myself HD when it comes to my H and when I reflect back on my single days, I guess I would be LD when it comes to other men because I just can't seem to fantasize about them at all. Perhaps LD women have a hard time generating a fantasy life at all due to stress or poor body image. Maybe some LD women have sexual fantasy lives,but their husbands don't figure in due to anger or lack of physical attraction.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I think this is a bit mean too Dave because it may provide useful HDW insights that will make us HDHs better at the very important oral aspect of our love lives. SD
I sincerely apologize to all you folks. In re-reading what I wrote (now), I see how I came off like a total a-hole.
About an hour after I posted this, I realized that it was perfectly fine for gent to post this. If I didn't think it's a relevant thread, I don't have to read it like mojo said.
Also note that I'm definitely not feeling "enlightened", but quite the opposite. I am feeling confused, hopeless, anxious, grumpy, and questioning everything that's been going on in my sitch. MPT really bumped me into a paradoxical-cyclical spin with a comment from the other day and I'm having a hard time shaking it. My mood is altering my ability to rationally recall and apply all the things I've learned. I'm also getting the vibe that our issues might be even lower-level than the PM things. I guess I just need to refocus on myself and not my W or people on this board. I'm feeling an inner-rebellion to introspection. This is the most painful thing I've ever experienced in my life.
Once again folks, I apologize. I'll try really hard to not poop on anyone and please feel free to slap me around if it looks like I'm getting being crabby versus "tough loving". Oddly, my behavior at home is the opposite...I start getting reserved and agreeable. This might have to do with why I'm non confrontational...I know my penchant for getting irrational and don't trust myself to have hard conversations with W without being offensive...so I've always just smiled and accepted everything than anyone has thrown at me. This is my issue.
I'll let you guys get back to the subject at hand. The odd coincidence is that Monday, I asked my W the exact same question about what horniness felt like in a woman and if she still felt it, and when. Her answer was "it's hard to describe the feeling other than a slight tingle and that yes, she still feels it occasionally". I asked "oh man...when do you feel it?....wait...don't answer that or I will never leave the house". Her reply..."let's just keep this one of my 'mysteries'". Not sure if I should be happy that she gets horny or bummed that it never gets acted upon.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
I saw your post last night and dug out my "The Gift of Sex" book (which, BTW, is a great "how to" book on sex - it is labelled as a Christian guide but VERY little of it is religious in tone). It's by Clifford and Joyce Penner. Anyway...it has a wonderful chapter on female sexual response, and here are some quotes:
"Excitement can result from either physical or emotional stimulation. When this stimulatino is received and enjoyed, sexual arousal produces external and internal changes. Dealing first with the external or phsyical genitalia, we note that the clitoris is probably the most important organ during the excitement phase. The clitoris is a unique organ in the human anatomy in that its only purpose is the receiving and transmitting of sexual stimuli. With arousal, the clitoris becomes engorged or enlarged, just as the penis becomes erect. The clitoris increases in length and in size by two or three times. Hunger for clitoral stimulation may result. Most women report that the caressing of the general area around the clitoris is more desirable than having the head, or glans, of the clitoris directly manipulated." (I agree!)
Okay, so it doesn't sound like rocket science but DANG is that clitoris a fascinating little organ or what?!
The "Gift of Sex" book talks a LOT about your questions, English_Gent. I recommend picking up a copy - it helped my H a lot with his "technique" when he read it a few years ago. Here's a link to it (cheap) on half.com:
