Bo, just caught up and wanted to let you know that while your sentence above may seem insignificant, I am happy for you that you are open to having a good relationship, even if that means it may be with someone else.
I know you would no doubt still mourn the M with your current W in any case, but being open to a different future is a healthy step that takes a lot for all of us to get to.
Also, I would agree with you on NOT moving out of your marital home before there's anything in writing. Everything I've read about being the first to move out points to it being a bad idea, even if you aren't going to ultimately keep it, but your lawyer should definitely be able to confirm based on your specific situation.
Thank you, TJT.
I do want a better relationship—whether it is with W, or someone else, in time. There are a number of things that I’ve felt like I’ve had to ‘die to’ in order to make things work with W. Meaning, I’ve had to give up certain things or let things go in some aspects. In some respects, this can be part of growing together and negotiation of married life, but in some ways, this may not have been the healthiest approach.
The word that I would use is ‘vacillating.’ I go back and forth on a relationship down the road—I’m really, deeply conflicted (my personal email shows me ads for match—meet locals in [your current area]), and it’s hard for me to not look at some of the very attractive women around me (whether at work, church, or out and about), even though I know that I’m still married and I would need some time anyway. I know that there is much for me to work on, but I also deep down know that I am a prize, to someone out there, in time. W was so hot after marrying me, and while I know I have some issues to fix, I also know that I can be pretty amazing, if it makes me sound immodest. I have 2 wonderful, beautiful young kids (both 6 and under), I teach, I’m not THAT bad looking, I have a stable job where I have to be good with kids.
I am in mourning of current MR with W, but I also mentioned in an earlier post that things weren’t always that great—they were very very good at times, but it wasn’t a fairy tale. I sometimes think that I should consider myself grateful for the fact that, if this does go through, this is happening to me at 35, instead of at 45 or 55.
The ‘parenting plan’ is in writing, but it’s not been signed off on, nor has it been filed with a court. It’s generally been my understanding that unless there is a threat of abuse or violence, moving out first is NOT a good idea. But I’m going to ask the L about the validity of this, what my options are, and what I can do going forward.
