Turbine... life is not over! You do not know what it has in store for you down the road if you do the work on yourself. I'm the most non-violent person you will meet but right now I want to hit you over the head with a 2x4! I get it. Being rejected and abandoned by the person you loved most in this world is an awful, awful feeling... I lost both of my parents to cancer and it was horrible watching them slowly being taken away from me. I loved them both beyond measure. But that was NOTHING compared to this. Grief and loss combined with betrayal is the WORST!!! I wouldn't wish this feeling on my worst enemy.
But like it or not, the worst has happened and there is no way to change that. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you choose to do about it. A rather famous therapist once said that, no matter what, in any given situation you only ever have four choices. 1. You can change it. 2. You can change how you think about it. 3. You can accept it. 4. You can stay miserable. You know that number 1 is not applicable to this situation...at least you can't change it directly without your W wanting the same... so that one is out. This leaves you with the last three. 2 & 3, I think, can be done in combination which is what DBing and GAL is all about. The last one is still a choice...to stay miserable. Everything that you have posted lately tells me that you are choosing #4! Do you really think that little of yourself?? C'mon man!! No one can make you happy but you. Get busy. Hold your head up high. Forgive yourself for not being perfect and do the work!!! You can do it! You have the power! Save yourself. Chances are you are not going to die from this but if you keep going like this, you aren't going to live either... and for sure your W isn't going to look your way and second guess herself. And she especially won't if she feels like she is single-handedly responsible for your happiness. That is way too much pressure for anyone.
I don't mean to be harsh... I really don't. It just kills me to see you sabotaging yourself in this way. You have to find a way to move forward and create a new life for yourself. Once you do that, you may find that you don't even want your W anymore. Or...she may look your way and start to wonder if she made the right choice. But she won't do that if she looks over and sees you have given up on life. And neither will anyone else. So enough of the pity party. Get up, get moving, add more GAL activities than church and gym and do it wholeheartedly as if you life depends on it. Join a hiking group, learn a new skill, volunteer, meet new people...you don't have to date to do that. Just add some novelty to your life. My H has our kids tonight so I'm going to some sort of Epicure party (has something to do with food). Would a part of me rather stay home, curl up on my couch and think about my family spending time together without me. Yeah...kinda. But I know that will not serve me well in the long run so I am making myself go and I am going to meet some new people and have fun! So there!!! The best revenge is a good life and no one but me is responsible for that!!
Anyway...stepping off of my soapbox now and putting down the 2x4... (((Turbine))) I feel for you. I really do. This is, by far, the most painful process I have ever had to go through. I would love to just skip it altogether. But I can't and neither can you. We have no choice. It is happening and we have to get through it in some way. I, for one, am choosing to make all of this pain worth something. I want to look back a year or two from now and be proud of how I handled myself and even more proud of the person I have become. I have faith that will happen. I have faith that I will be a better, stronger, more confident person who values and pays attention to the people I love in a much more present kind of way. I have faith that there is a better life waiting for me which may or may not include my H or someone new or no one new. So I have to be grateful for this opportunity despite how it came to be. As they say... it is a gift we have been given... but only if we do the work. Do the work Turbine! (((HUGS)))
