Joe...I'm sorry I'm as "gray rock"/non-emotional as I can be towards my WW in my sitch, but from reading what you wrote all I can say is "oh H**L NO!!!"
You two are DIVORCED as she had a SECRET affair initially at least with an OM, ran you through every shade of H**L imaginable, comes back, you go to a public party where you advise her your exGF is going to be (which you didn't have to do) and she loses her S**T on you? That's crazy!
For sure given the uncertainty of all that is happening between you patience is a virtue, but good lord man. Like where the H does she get the right to bust your b8lls when you two are divorced because of HER BETRAYAL?!?! And that she went and acted as she did when she is trying to convince YOU to give her a 2nd chance with a relationship. WOW! I NO WAY am I saying you should be in any way vindictive or making her feel you have a "revenge affair" hall pass, but man I'm just stunned at how she acted.
I think you need to be mindful to keep any rose colored glasses about her far from you at this time. As everyone has said it will take a very long time and much work both separately and together for the two of you to progress. An old Hannibal Lecter quote I'll share with you as I think given her actions it's something to remember: "My dear Will, you must be healed by now... on the outside at least, I hope you're not too ugly. What a collection of scars you have. Never forget who gave you the best of them, and be grateful, our scars have the power to remind us that the past was real."
I'm pulling for you Joe. If you want the relationship back with exW, I'm praying for you there as well. But don't you dare forget who gave who the scars between the two of you. This LBH just got fired up from what you told us LOL!
