Yes, that is the outward appearance that all WAS's project. As I said, what is on the inside is a completely different matter.
Right, she is resolute that it's the right thing to do. This is the way it will be for quite some time. Later she may change her mind. A lot of LBS's struggle with this, that "later" can be different than "now". But she changed her mind once from wanting to be married to not wanting to, so why do you think she can't change it back again.
You’re right, that she *may* change her mind later, and that *later* is different from *now*.
I don’t have a very good reason for why she can’t change her mind again. I know this is ‘feelings,’ but to me she seems too far ‘gone,’ if that makes sense. She was so hot after marrying me, and now it’s this—that I F’ed this up so bad? (I know, I know—just feelings, but man these are powerful).
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Well one of the odd things about DB'ing is because you are kind of following steps from the books and advice from here it DOES feel like you're just doing tricks. Especially with validating, I used to think "oh man she is going to see right through this and think it's fake." But when you keep it up it becomes second nature and feels more natural. So keep at it!
It does feel like ‘tricks,’ but one thing that is coming more into my mind recently is the idea of doing this for myself—breaking some of the patterns of behavior I used to be engaged in (knowingly or unknowingly). What I do know is that I am trying to work on myself, and have myself be a better person—for myself, but also whether it is for W, or for someone else down the road, hopefully (either one would be nice).
