Thanks don. Theres definatly a hormonal component to this plus some physiological issues that im wondering if are contributing, and im seeing an MD next week.
I never found help with counseling and i dont really have the time or the desire to spend any more money on it. I find that the really good counselors charge out of pocket and i cant spend like that. (The DB counselor was actually one of the best i ever talked to)
I am still sorting through stuff. My ex left 2015. But i never knew about the double life till maybe late 2017. So im still trying to understand, what the hell happened.
Of course i have my flaws. Im not this care free, easy person to live with. I suffer from anxiety and ive been called a hypochondriac. Ive had body image issues and im that insecure chick wanting affirmations that guys dont realize till a bit into dating me. Im disorganized and i am horrible at domestic stuff. I know that. But i was also loyal, and i am good at my job, and im a rational person and was willing to communicate and be a partner with someone, i was always supportive of ex, and a really good mom to his child. So why wasnt that enough? He doesnt just reject me. He does minimal with his son. So surely, it cant primarily be me?
My view of marriage was that its like family. You stay comitted and make it work, unless serious abuse or infidelity. That all people are flawed and annoying and dysfunctional. Yet because you are family you stay committed. So i am hurt that he wasnt committed. I was not happy in our relationship. He was not a good partner to me. And im having trouble understanding why he wasnt.
But yeah. I know. Hes left. So you work with cards your dealt and thats the key to happiness. I know that logically. Its just a hard thing to actually execute for me.
