Just keep swimming, I think I can, I think I can #

[marina7]

OneArt,

I truly understand what your saying trust me,

I must let W fail if that even means our kids physical or
Mentally are hurt and I'll be the first to say that's what I been
Trying to avoid for something dramatic to happen or one of
Our children's end up in hospital. Especially s9 who W has it
Out for him.

I would describe s9, having a gay friend guy who is very outspoken
and he thinks for himself. So that's when W becomes physical with s9

Where s10 and d10 have taken advice from therapy to just say Yes mom
Which makes me sad but that's a survival way.

So Yes my problem is being that hoover mom, trying to avoid any of the kids
Being hurt. Is hard but I now see what Lawyer was saying and right.

And also see what GAL is trying to do is give W more responsibilities so
I can get back on my feet. But that question in my head is at what cost as
We all here have the monkey braining is at what cost do I let go and o e child ends
Up somewhere I emotionally can't take.

To also answer your question,

Marriage, legally married No we had a domestic partnership but in the
State am in that doesn't count for marriage. So W doesn't give me spousal
support.

S10 was a foster child we get medical for him and I believe 215.00 a month which
W has always had control I never look at what benefits I got for fostering s10 which
Then we adopted.

S9 amd d10 was different they where going to go to foster I didn't let it happen
The social worker at the time said if they go to foster system you will get all the
Benefits all foster kids get. I again didn't want at the time my niece and nephew to
Go to foster system for over 45days God knows what could have happened so
7yrs ago My sister gave me temporary guardianship which then after having
Them for 24 months I went full custody adoption.

Now before BD we where as normal as we can be I work in Higher management, W
was going to school typical American life. I had trio's in my health insurance and
I thought we where good. W and I never ever mentioned separation.

I of course trusted W never thought to put my money in my own bank. Not even
Stashed money to the side so that tells you a lot

I was to open and trusting.

Yes W since August 2018 started giving me only 500.00 that's the most she must give
For now.

I took Lawyer advice which was we focus on s10 Bringing him home then Child support.

So around that time I get emergency medical insurance for s9 and d10
Every 3 months they evaluate my case. And temporary stamps.
I have gone to food trucks and done whatever it takes.

My pride left long time ago.

I aslo don't have family I unfortunately raised myself and Yes if I do contact my
Family is like selling my soul to the devil.

I do get workers comp temporary and state help every penny goes to that so
Whatever I have left I pay GAL amd Lawyer.

And I also know there is two sides. I can own up to mines and is me
Letting W fall. Because I know that one of the trio's could end up hurt bad

But as my lawyer did say. If we call W right now do you think she will say exactly what you
Said and knowing W lies No I am going to look like the idiot.


So my problem is fixing everyone and everything. I am a fixer and I attract
Broken people.

Oh trust me how therapy has help me realize lots of my flaws.

But your right I must stop fighting and give in and just agree.