Re: Moving past the WAW to a stronger me Pt. 5

[Davide]

Thanks guys! I appreciate the feedback.

It is interesting that it is mainly men responding. That could be coincidence, as the majority of the posters here seem to be men, but I wonder if it reflects a different mindset. Many of the sitches I follow closely on here are of women, and there seems to (in general) be a longer time-frame, or perhaps looking at it from another angle, more patience from left-behind wives.

Honestly, it surprises me. There is so much patience preached here, and letting the WAS take the initiative with the D process is so commonly advocated for that it does make me question whether or not I am simply rushing things. At the same time, I do see a positive future out there for myself and this is a necessary step along that path.

Thanks for noting that I am not doing this to escape from any pain. I lived with that awful, disorientating, vertiginous pain for months and hated every moment of it. For a while it came back somewhat regularly, and then less and less. Now there is just the dull ache of nostalgia for once was, a fleeting feeling that occupies little brain space. I think it is important to go through that process so that you can come out the other side stronger and more solid in your sense of self.

At the end of the session the message that my IC seemed to gently get across is that it might just be easier to take the path of least resistance and not try to push things through now given the fact that my W still seems unready. Given her ambivalence and foot-dragging I do feel the need to be 100% certain in my head and resolute in my intention before I even broach the topic. I do not want to enter into that conversation with even a niggling doubt for her to prey upon.

Joseph, I definitely see the preconceived notion that many women (maybe people?) have about recent divorcees, as an impediment. Of course at our ages most everyone who is dating is divorced or out of some type of long term relationship (if they have never been in one that is an even more scary signal!)

In terms of the radar, I think (hope) that it has more to do with energy/attitude that one projects. Someone who is hurt, or damaged, or less open, or unwilling to be vulnerable will often project that in ways that they don't even realize. I lived with someone who was recently broken-up for a short while and in every interaction it was clear to me that they were operating from a place of negativity and they projected an unhappiness or a neediness. For the first 5 months of my separation I was like that myself. However, now I don't see myself as being in that space, or projecting that energy. My mindset is one of gratitude, positivity, and an openness to new experience and people. My impression is that this attitude shines through clearly to others, both possible romantic partners as well as friends, colleagues and family.

Neffer, Sip! quiero tomar esta decisión con toda la calma del mundo... meditar me a servir mucho...