Just keep swimming, I think I can, I think I can #

[marina7]

Job,Peacetoday,kyh and DnJ

Thank you everyone for thoughts
And prayers.

I did go to therapy and Support group
I just felt overwhelmed with my lawyer

As I stated lawyer seems done and I understand
I ain't able to pay and lawyer did said they are
Old enough to understand and you did
Try to fight.

I was giving options and one was to drop case
Or go to trial. But trail cost thousands of dollars.

Lawyer as I said was mad because when W did
called, I rescued W when W was responsible for
Trios till Sunday.

Yesterday in group I cried and said I am put in a hard
Place. If Trios where older yes I wouldn't have answered
Call.

But if one of the trio's would been very ill or gotten hurt
And I didn't answer it would made me look bad.

I feel it doesn't matter I am dam if I do and dam
If I don't.

Unfortunately court doesn't care about he said or she said
They don't look at parenting skills, or anything.

I try to explain to lawyer why I reacted that way. But
When I try to explain is like it didn't Matter lawyer
Just kept asking Why.. why did you answer

Lawyer stated if we contact W do you think W going to
say " yes I contacted M and told M I can't do this.

Lawyer said No M, W going call you a liar.

So help he I am I am just Dam...

Lawyer went on to saying you need to try to coparent
with W.

I wanted to scream like really. Only God knows I have tried

Since yesterday I have not heard much. Lawyer did said
That, GAL still wants us to do coparent therapy even
when W was the one that said I can't do this. It doesn't
matter.

I went to explain how am I suppose to pay for these therapy
Sessions. When is literally a waist. W just rants.

W doesn't care financially she pays her $120. While
I have to figure out how to come up with my part.

I even said I am tap out I have literally sold
everything. I cash out life insurance over 1yr 5months
I had 401k cash that out. I have sold many of my things
And am still here.

That's when lawyer said then Drop the case.

So am waiting to see what they said in court
Yesterday or when do W get trio's for school who knows.

I am mentally drained and tired. And hearing my
Lawyer say drop the case tells me a lot.

Maybe am over thinking this but am back where
I was a year ago. I feel like am drowning and I can't gasp
For air. Is like a never ending story.

Now I ask myself is this Why W been nice. Did W
Know this all this time.

I have said this before, GAL and W are friendly

No matter what W has been paying GAL.
Example last time we met at GAL office
GAL brought up payment I said I can do
$50 now. GAL said your way past due.
Please pay $100 can you. I look some bills
And explained to GAL I'll pay this bill later GAL
Didn't care if my bills at home where not paid.
So I paid my part but the receptionist gave
me the wrong receipt and accidentally gave me W
And W just gave GAL $3,000 and it said paid in full

So I do question if my lack of funds is hurting my case
No matter what W is paying GAL, GAL is happy go
Lucky. And am here paying what I can.

God knows I try my best to be positive and find the good
In people. But I know we live in a ugly world that only money
Talks. So here I am. I have been taking time to myself

And taking care of d10 and s9.. W been pretty sharp
With them. W yesterday said am busy and didn't speak
With them. And all I can do is say am here and hold
Them.

I think 1yr and almost 9 months. And W still nasty

I hurt for my kids. They didn't ask to be adopted
And here they are being treated as W hates them
Doesn't even hug them, very standoffish with them
Is like if they ruined W life.
I say this if looks could kill W would have already

Is so sad.

And I think what lawyer says do I drop the case

But then who saves s10. And as lawyer said
Sometimes we can't save them all...