You may have told us Juju but have you seen someone to work through all of this? People often have behaviors because there is a pay-off - that is they get something out of it. You are identifying at least part of the pay-off in that it prevents you from feeling the pain of rejection. I'm wondering if it's not coming up over and over again for you precisely because you've not worked through it. From what you describe H did not want to travel,with you. It's not that he doesn't want to travel. That has to hurt. How could it not? I also know it gets harder for you around this time of month. Then you feel better again for awhile but then it cones back. It's keeping you from healing.
If I remember correctly you may have said you've tried counciling but never got help. You may not have found the right help or perhaps you are so protecting yourself from the pain that it's not helping. It's not like it has to be you were wrong and he was right but I get a sense you want it the other way around - he was wrong and you did everything right. It's keeping you from moving on and I hate that for you. It's very possible and just as likely neither of you are 100% right nor wrong. It takes two for a M to succeed or fail. Obviously you can be loved as new guy does just that.
Hope those thoughts help a little.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
