Answer: I am talking about the ghost she is, and the ghost I know she is, because the person who loved me is no longer. However, this is a concept I need to mentally process, and you are right, detachment would be not caring how she turns out to be with OM, but I have ways to go there. I guess in my mind, if she ends it with OM, she will return to being who she was when we were happy and life was good - I know from a logical point of view, that this is not the case, but my feelings get the better of me from time to time still.
Hurt, you have to accept that person is gone and probably will never come back. I read AS say his ex is just now slowly starting to return and it's been 5 years.
Yes, exactly. My ex's personality was completely different after BD. I don't think she was MLC but I very much identified with the "invasion of the bodysnatchers" analogy that a lot of MLCer spouses describe. I'm not saying she was a worse person like most MLCers are, just very different. She wanted NOTHING to do with me. She didn't want me to help with anything, she didn't want to talk to me, she probably didn't even want to hear about me. There was an OM but I don't think it was ever really about her wanting to be with him and ride off into the sunset. Anyway there has been a gradual thawing in the past year or so where she is a lot more like her old self. And part of that thawing is towards me as well. She now calls and texts about things going on in her life, she sometimes asks for my help with something, asks me out to dinner (with the kids) and it frequently gets back to me that she is telling friends and strangers alike about what a great person I am. Honestly it's nice, especially after getting treated like a leper for so long after BD. But yeah, it's been 6-1/2 years since BD, so it was a solid 5+ years before her attitude towards me changed. And even though she's more like her old self, she is still a different person than she was before BD. I don't think she'll ever be "that" person again.
