Let's just say everyone was shocked it was him who left and not me.
I am fiercely loyal. I prayed everyday he would become the man I needed him to be. He left me when our daughter (mind you, our IVF, premature daughter) turned 6 months old. Began his cheating in my pregnancy (which I didn't know about until after we were divorced). When things weren't exactly how he envisioned them to be, and I wasn't putting him on a pedestal anymore, he peaced out. Now, I was committed, even as awful as he treated me because I married him and had a kid with him. But I imagine one day if he hadn't done the leaving and he never changed, and our R was detrimental to our daughter, I would have been the one to leave. Maybe not to cheat, but to leave. And I am very pro marriage, but I am more pro health of my child. And without change on his part, it would have been very unhealthy for her.
I l'll be bluntly honest, I wish I left before we had a child. Put aside all that "well, if that would have happened, you wouldn't have had her". Well, I truly wish my daughter was someone else's child. It sounds awful, but it's true.
At the time, I would have been over the moon to see a change. To have him treat me like a human and his wife. I imagine, however, there would have been a point where the change was too late. I would have detached myself so hard as to protect myself. I was already in the process.
Needless to say, 11 years later, my ex has not changed. He is just as awful to his new wife, but she has no self esteem, so she deals. They have no kids together. She never had a kid of her own. He treats my daughter as he treated me unfortunately. Not as bad, but a lot is the same. So I am grateful she isn't around it 24/7 and she gets to see her mom treat herself with respect.
The cheating was bad. No doubt. But that was a symptom of a bigger problem. It is bad thing to do, but I believe there are other ways to betray your vows that are almost as awful. And this is coming from a woman who was cheated on in the worst way.
Whether or not it is too late in your current marriage, you could only benefit from making positive changes.
