Answer: I am talking about the ghost she is, and the ghost I know she is, because the person who loved me is no longer. However, this is a concept I need to mentally process, and you are right, detachment would be not caring how she turns out to be with OM, but I have ways to go there. I guess in my mind, if she ends it with OM, she will return to being who she was when we were happy and life was good - I know from a logical point of view, that this is not the case, but my feelings get the better of me from time to time still.
Hurt, you have to accept that person is gone and probably will never come back. I read AS say his ex is just now slowly starting to return and it's been 5 years.
2. Why are you cleaning the house for her? That is approval seeking behavior.
Originally Posted by Hurt213
Answer: Actually, this, how hard it might be to trust my words the truth. It was not for her. I came to the house to pick up the kids for gymnastics. She was at work and I had an hour before the kids were to be picked up. So I saw the mess and decided to clean the house because of my kids and the fact that I felt bad for them having to stay in that - thats as honest as it gets. Her room is a complete mess with clothings everywhere, makeup and
I think your BSing yourself. Your children are too young to realize the difference between a clean and messy house.
Originally Posted by Hurt213
Answer: I guess you are somewhat right here to be fair. I bought the meal because I am sick and tired of the fact that she cooks easy fast meals with no nutrition for the kids. I know this is none of my business whenever she has the kids, but it sickens me. because her using her mental energy and time on OM, makes her skip corners when it comes to my kids wellbeing (aka healthy meals), and I guess I tried to influence that by, and have before, bringing meals when I come home. I know, that she has to make her own dumb decisions and live in her own mess, however when my kids are involved its hard on me. Hope that makes sense.
Actually you are wrong, it is your business and should be discussed with her about the kids nutrition. Be clear direct and to the point. Don't back down on this issue.
Originally Posted by Hurt213
Answer: One of the things she mentioned: She had some information regarding D4 having acted out in daycare, being fussy and not being able to calm down - (reaction to all of this perhaps) and that made her sad and worried. So Basically I wanted to say "Yea, well maybe if you didn't go around screwing another man, and thereby ruining your family, these issues would not be issues. However I said "I can understand how the feedback regarding D4 from the daycare must have been hard to hear" <-- Not trying to solve the problem or justify it, just acknowledging it.
That's actually not bad. Do NOT validate any discussion about OM!
Originally Posted by Hurt213
Answer: So here you wanted me to respond with a "you're welcome"? I thought I was to keep it as dim as possible. I merely acknowledged her birthday, but did not think I should engage in textual conversation.
I actually didn't want you to text her Happy Birthday or get her a gift this year. She does not deserve it. I wanted YOU to see that she didn't deserve it. My point was I feel like you were trying to save face by saying at least I didn't say your'e welcome.
Below is straight out of a book I was reading last night and it reminded me of your situation. Whether you want them to be or not, your actions are the true message you send to others. You may verbal tell someone you are unhappy with them, but if you then give them something nice or preform an act of service, you are actually expressing that you are willing to do what they want even if they don't deserve it. That's a message of WEAKNESS and a display of LOW VALUE.
Originally Posted by Hurt213
I am a freaking yoyo. spinning up and down. However I realize ,that I can go hours now, without thinking about her. Yesterday I smashed it in the gym. Again, eyecontact with couple of girls, and it really is nice. I am also seeing what the world has to offer, and one MAJOR thing. 1.5 years ago S1 was born, and couple of months later, she moved her mattress from her bed into his room, so we could take turns sleeping in there. At first I was like alright, then that thought moved to "Hey? We aren't sleeping in the same bed anymore, and I dont mind getting up at night and go to his room to feed or comfort him?" She was afraid we wouldn't be able to hear him even with the babymonitor on. So the pattern continued.
You have to let go of the past. Learn from it and move on. In the future "w it's best we sleep in the same bed together so we can keep the intimacy and connection with each other while we sleep."
Originally Posted by Hurt213
I am 100% positive, that that contributed in a huge way to this sitch. We ended up being to people taking care of kids, not sleeping in the same room and just cohabiting. It saddens me to say, but I can't remake a memory in my head of when me and WW last slept in the same bed. At the same time this is rocket fuel to my understanding of how bad this was, and if anything ever is to be with me and her again (who knows), then it needs to be completely different. Because.... I need to be in a relationship with a woman that wants to go to bed next to me every night, a woman that wants to tuck herself into my arms and fall asleep safe and comfortably. This I am missing SO much...
I really think you first need to feel comfortable alone before any new relationships. You are very codependent right now.
Originally Posted by Hurt213
Today is a long day at work. Then going to house to make ready for D4s birthday tomorrow and then WW will leave tomorrow night when the birthday party is done.
