Just keep swimming, I think I can, I think I can #

[peacetoday]

Marina,

Hope the kids are feeling better today-

AS far as OW making comments to W

Read the thread I just posted on OW contacting me-and how she must treat H
She told me she is ready to ship him back?

once the honeymoon phase passes- the affair is in trouble and gets worse and worse

The affair partners are extremely sick people-just as bad, maybe worse than the MLCer.
I don't think many here can honestly say the X -affair partner was a good choice?

I think the MLCer picks control freaks even though they complain they are leaving to be free-

I remember running into my XH very good friend here in town after XH contacted me to have his olds froiends contact him..all his old friends are sober guys as he used to be sober as well-MY XH was asking for help- to get out of his M and get sober at that time


His friend told me- XH new wife texted friend and told him to never contact XH again
she didn't want him to get help-
she wants him sick so she can control him and because she is sick

You may see you W get worse especially now she seems like she is losing control -but I think this is all right on course for the MLcer because they have to hity a big bottom-
you cant save her and OW may help her hit bottom-


I agree with DNJ
Offer your w that you will be happy to take all responsibility for the kids-
anytime she feels the need to be free of them

the MLCER is a terrible parent-

[marina7]

Journaling,

Been feeling down

Tomorrow is court, of course we live in a
50/50 state. And they look at school scores

Well I was told that GAL is recommending
Trios with W because of school district
Even though W have not ask for them

I then ask lawyer, why then give them to W
I was explained because W lives in better school

I was blown away. I was told I could not
take offer then we go to trial.

Lawyer says but trial will cost you over
10,000 I said exactly I don't have this.

Lawyer seem frustrated to me. And said
sometimes you have just let W fail

Which means W takes Trios and W
Could then call GAL and say I can't do
This or something happens.

I broke down. This is the world we live in
Money talks. It doesn't Matter how much I
Prove am the better parent.

I explained to lawyer what happened with W
calling me stress out and anxiety. Lawyer was
Mad at me for answering lawyers says
You can't answer your calls W must do it
On her own. It seems like you always rescuing W

I understand what lawyer is saying but lawyer is
Wrong. W had our kids. Anything could had happen
To our kids.

That part I was upset because I just don't answer W
Calls is only when trio's are with W.

I can tell lawyer is done with my case because no
Payment. Lawyer seem upset but I also understand
Lawyer has bills also.

Here I am in tears and tomorrow GAL making
Recommendations for Trios. Because of where
I live. Not a bad area but school of W is just a
Little better. Nothing big but in this state they go
By that.

I ask myself at what cost. W has family, OW and I
Am alone only me.

This is crazy. I am stuck

I also was told I can call off case this means me
Giving up s10. Again wow

I can't afford new lawyer or retainer.
The children protection system [censored].
It simply [censored].

[job]

I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Please try to stay positive. You really do not know what tomorrow will bring.

Hang in there!

[peacetoday]

M

Hang in there-

Try to stay positive and believe things will work out

God has higher authority than our society

trust-put all your trust in him-

[Kyh]

Thinking of you today. Stay positive!

[DnJ]

Dear marina

Take time to process yesterday’s events and outcomes. When you are ready please feel free to share.

Whatever happened, it is not the end of the journey.

DnJ

[peacetoday]

M

How are you

[marina7]

Job,Peacetoday,kyh and DnJ

Thank you everyone for thoughts
And prayers.

I did go to therapy and Support group
I just felt overwhelmed with my lawyer

As I stated lawyer seems done and I understand
I ain't able to pay and lawyer did said they are
Old enough to understand and you did
Try to fight.

I was giving options and one was to drop case
Or go to trial. But trail cost thousands of dollars.

Lawyer as I said was mad because when W did
called, I rescued W when W was responsible for
Trios till Sunday.

Yesterday in group I cried and said I am put in a hard
Place. If Trios where older yes I wouldn't have answered
Call.

But if one of the trio's would been very ill or gotten hurt
And I didn't answer it would made me look bad.

I feel it doesn't matter I am dam if I do and dam
If I don't.

Unfortunately court doesn't care about he said or she said
They don't look at parenting skills, or anything.

I try to explain to lawyer why I reacted that way. But
When I try to explain is like it didn't Matter lawyer
Just kept asking Why.. why did you answer

Lawyer stated if we contact W do you think W going to
say " yes I contacted M and told M I can't do this.

Lawyer said No M, W going call you a liar.

So help he I am I am just Dam...

Lawyer went on to saying you need to try to coparent
with W.

I wanted to scream like really. Only God knows I have tried

Since yesterday I have not heard much. Lawyer did said
That, GAL still wants us to do coparent therapy even
when W was the one that said I can't do this. It doesn't
matter.

I went to explain how am I suppose to pay for these therapy
Sessions. When is literally a waist. W just rants.

W doesn't care financially she pays her $120. While
I have to figure out how to come up with my part.

I even said I am tap out I have literally sold
everything. I cash out life insurance over 1yr 5months
I had 401k cash that out. I have sold many of my things
And am still here.

That's when lawyer said then Drop the case.

So am waiting to see what they said in court
Yesterday or when do W get trio's for school who knows.

I am mentally drained and tired. And hearing my
Lawyer say drop the case tells me a lot.

Maybe am over thinking this but am back where
I was a year ago. I feel like am drowning and I can't gasp
For air. Is like a never ending story.

Now I ask myself is this Why W been nice. Did W
Know this all this time.

I have said this before, GAL and W are friendly

No matter what W has been paying GAL.
Example last time we met at GAL office
GAL brought up payment I said I can do
$50 now. GAL said your way past due.
Please pay $100 can you. I look some bills
And explained to GAL I'll pay this bill later GAL
Didn't care if my bills at home where not paid.
So I paid my part but the receptionist gave
me the wrong receipt and accidentally gave me W
And W just gave GAL $3,000 and it said paid in full

So I do question if my lack of funds is hurting my case
No matter what W is paying GAL, GAL is happy go
Lucky. And am here paying what I can.

God knows I try my best to be positive and find the good
In people. But I know we live in a ugly world that only money
Talks. So here I am. I have been taking time to myself

And taking care of d10 and s9.. W been pretty sharp
With them. W yesterday said am busy and didn't speak
With them. And all I can do is say am here and hold
Them.

I think 1yr and almost 9 months. And W still nasty

I hurt for my kids. They didn't ask to be adopted
And here they are being treated as W hates them
Doesn't even hug them, very standoffish with them
Is like if they ruined W life.
I say this if looks could kill W would have already

Is so sad.

And I think what lawyer says do I drop the case

But then who saves s10. And as lawyer said
Sometimes we can't save them all...

[OneArt]

Marina:

I'm sure this is so very hard for you. I can see how unfair it must all seem.

I was a competitive swimmer when I was younger and can still swim very well. When I went to Mexico a few years ago, I allowed my confidence to take me out in the water in a different area, but still close in, to where I saw others. Before I knew it, I was caught in the undertow. I panicked and struggled (I haven't swum much in natural bodies of water). Finally, something in my brain kicked in. I looked to the shore. I saw the life guard. He was motioning me to go to the left. I stopped stroking, stopped fighting, and I allowed myself to be carried in the direction he pointed. Soon I realized that I could feel the sand beneath me. I stood, exhausted, and walked from the water. I could have died that day. I really could have. The panic was intense. My efforts were extreme. Only when I stopped fighting and put my trust somewhere else and allowed myself to be carried, did I survive.

I really and truly hope that what I am about to write does not sound harsh or judgmental. I do not mean it that way. I think you are caught in the undertow and you have lost your ability to find your way to shore. I think people here, and the GAL, and your lawyer are trying to tell you things you don't want to hear.

As horrible and sucky as it sounds, not everyone can defend their case in court the way they want to. I have the money to fight my case, and the skills to close the gap, but I chose not to go head to head with my H even when he was being pig-headed and I would have been within my rights to let him have it and suffer the consequences of his actions. It was not worth burning everything down to get my way. From all you have said, you don't have the resources to fight the fight you want to fight. Given that, you have to fight the fight you can.

I know that I have given you advice, as have others, that you have seemingly ignored. I would suggest you go through and read your own thread from the beginning and see what people have said, consider whether you thought about it, and consider whether you acknowledged that it was heard. There is a difference between being right and being self-righteous.

I think we all want to truthfully report our stories and endeavor to do so, but there are always factors that we don't report, or that we don't give the right weight to. Often we don't consider the other guy's position, or how we look to him (to the court, or the lawyer, or the GAL).

I'm not sure I still understand your marital situation and the allocation of resources. Were you married under the law? Are you divorced? Was your wife required to pay you any support other than child support? Are you getting support through the child support office? Most states are pretty formulaic about child support now.

These things matter because you have indicated that you have serious health concerns, very limited resources, and very little family support. If you do not have a legal entitlement to support (and fairness is of course a different issue), then it would be understandable that some consideration would have to be given to the parties' respective abilities to care for the children. I have no idea if these issues are relevant in your case or what consideration the GAL gave to them. I am only hearing you describe what sounds like a very unfair situation and trying to figure from your interpretation what has happened here.

GALs go through a lot of training. This is not a big money-making field. The people that go into this kind of work generally do it because they are deeply concerned for the rights of children and making sure they have a voice. I admit to being part of the legal system so I understand that there are bad lawyers, bad judges, and bad GALs, I also understand that most lawyers are nowhere near as bad as I see continually reported on these boards, and I imagine the same is true of the judges and other court professionals.

I think the counselor, the GAL, your lawyer, and others have been trying to tell you to put away your perceptions of what is right, fair or just, and to have some faith in the system, and if your wife is as bad as you say, to trust that she will not be able to handle whatever it is that the system gives her. It sounds like she has no interest in two of the children at all, and a passing interest in the third. Is she really going to give up her life to tend to three children that are about to be tweens and teens. As the parent of two teens, I can tell you that I don't see that happening based on what you have described.

Take a step back. Evaluate your position. Look at the good and the bad. There are 3 kids, they look after each other. There are witnesses to everything that happens. They love and trust you. They know that you have fought for them. You describe pockets of clarity for your wife where she can be kind and understanding, where she does realize that she is out of her depth. Why would this not continue to be true? Won't you be there for them every time they reach for you? Won't you be there (keeping a record of course) every time she deviates from the custody because she can't handle the responsibility?

I think your lawyer is trying to tell you that even a fireman who runs into a burning building can't save everyone there. Sometimes we have to save the ones we can and hope that the others find another way out. Don't just accept this. Don't give up on the kids. Don't give up on you. Just get creative. So court is not going to give you what you think is right. How can you still be the best mom for those kids every single day.

[job]

I am so sorry. Please, please continue to post so that we can be here for you. Let's try to work through everything that has happened and see where you can go from there. The first person that we need to help is you. You need to focus on you and what you can do to be the best mom possible for the children. It is going to be one step at a time.