As always I appreciate your direct and honest approach, and I will try and answer your questions here:
I dont know how to quote so here goes:
1. So when I read this I am hearing that the real person is not a very likable person and OM will dump her. If this is the case, why do you want her back so badly?
Answer: I am talking about the ghost she is, and the ghost I know she is, because the person who loved me is no longer. However, this is a concept I need to mentally process, and you are right, detachment would be not caring how she turns out to be with OM, but I have ways to go there. I guess in my mind, if she ends it with OM, she will return to being who she was when we were happy and life was good - I know from a logical point of view, that this is not the case, but my feelings get the better of me from time to time still.
2. Why are you cleaning the house for her? That is approval seeking behavior.
Answer: Actually, this, how hard it might be to trust my words the truth. It was not for her. I came to the house to pick up the kids for gymnastics. She was at work and I had an hour before the kids were to be picked up. So I saw the mess and decided to clean the house because of my kids and the fact that I felt bad for them having to stay in that - thats as honest as it gets. Her room is a complete mess with clothings everywhere, makeup and
3. So you bought her dinner? Approval seeking behavior.
Answer: I guess you are somewhat right here to be fair. I bought the meal because I am sick and tired of the fact that she cooks easy fast meals with no nutrition for the kids. I know this is none of my business whenever she has the kids, but it sickens me. because her using her mental energy and time on OM, makes her skip corners when it comes to my kids wellbeing (aka healthy meals), and I guess I tried to influence that by, and have before, bringing meals when I come home. I know, that she has to make her own dumb decisions and live in her own mess, however when my kids are involved its hard on me. Hope that makes sense.
4. I am just curious to what you are validating. Can you give an example?
Answer: One of the things she mentioned: She had some information regarding D4 having acted out in daycare, being fussy and not being able to calm down - (reaction to all of this perhaps) and that made her sad and worried. So Basically I wanted to say "Yea, well maybe if you didn't go around screwing another man, and thereby ruining your family, these issues would not be issues. However I said "I can understand how the feedback regarding D4 from the daycare must have been hard to hear" <-- Not trying to solve the problem or justify it, just acknowledging it.
5. Again approval seeking behavior and you where looking for a reaction. Do you know how I know? You mentioned the emojis. Then by not responding to her thank you you are trying to justify more approval seeking behavior.
Answer: So here you wanted me to respond with a "you're welcome"? I thought I was to keep it as dim as possible. I merely acknowledged her birthday, but did not think I should engage in textual conversation.
I am a freaking yoyo. spinning up and down. However I realize ,that I can go hours now, without thinking about her. Yesterday I smashed it in the gym. Again, eyecontact with couple of girls, and it really is nice. I am also seeing what the world has to offer, and one MAJOR thing. 1.5 years ago S1 was born, and couple of months later, she moved her mattress from her bed into his room, so we could take turns sleeping in there. At first I was like alright, then that thought moved to "Hey? We aren't sleeping in the same bed anymore, and I dont mind getting up at night and go to his room to feed or comfort him?" She was afraid we wouldn't be able to hear him even with the babymonitor on. So the pattern continued.
I am 100% positive, that that contributed in a huge way to this sitch. We ended up being to people taking care of kids, not sleeping in the same room and just cohabiting. It saddens me to say, but I can't remake a memory in my head of when me and WW last slept in the same bed. At the same time this is rocket fuel to my understanding of how bad this was, and if anything ever is to be with me and her again (who knows), then it needs to be completely different. Because.... I need to be in a relationship with a woman that wants to go to bed next to me every night, a woman that wants to tuck herself into my arms and fall asleep safe and comfortably. This I am missing SO much...
Today is a long day at work. Then going to house to make ready for D4s birthday tomorrow and then WW will leave tomorrow night when the birthday party is done.
/h
BD: Wife says "its over" 11th august 2018. EA: June 2018 PA: August 2018 - ongoing Status: Taking turns 7 days a week to be in the house w. kids WW: no regrets, seems happy with leaving.