I feel impressed to bring up her depression. Maybe it was b/c you were dealing with your own inner turmoil during the last thread, is why there was very little response from you when it was suggested she was depressed. Hopefully, you will listen to what I have to add.
I have dealt with depression most of my adult life. For years, I did not know it was depression......I just thought there was something wrong in our MR. Like your W, I did not want to leave the house, except to attend church and take the kids to school. I would go all day with hardly touching the house, just watching the soaps on TV. Everything you described about your W could be said about me, too. When a woman is depressed, she doesn't have interest in how her house looks, or being involved with any activities. She doesn't feel happy, but she doesn't understand why. And another thing I experienced was very low sex drive. Yes, it all falls under the heading of depression. Some people believe a "real" Christian should never be depressed. Those people don't understand chemical depression or hormonal imbalance. It has nothing to do with faith or spiritual beliefs. It isn't something the person can control.
Not long before I went into my overt rebellious stage, I had been given various prescriptions for depression. I was also being medicated for another health problem. I saw several doctors over a few years, and they all had their own opinion of what prescriptions, if any, I should be given. I remember being on four anti-depressants at the same time. Then, I was yanked off all of them, cold turkey. It's a wonder I had not committed suicide! I never felt like taking my life. I just felt like I wasn't happy in my marriage. When I was prescribed Zoloft, that's when I started feeling as if I was dead on the inside. I didn't cry. But I didn't laugh, either. I was just numb. Zoloft should be named, "Zero". I had zero feelings, and zero sex drive, and zero interest in anything. During my Zoloft experience, I felt so utterly bored and disinterested in everything that I began playing online games. You know, those type where another player can join? Well, long story short, that was the beginning of my downfall.
Anyway, that was a long time ago. Am I blaming my waywardness on the prescription medication? No, I take full responsibility for my actions. I don't know how much they might have influenced me. I don't believe I was healthy, but I was not forced against my will. But here's the thing....I remember when I felt something! I felt the thrill of having another man feed my ego. I did not want to lose it, b/c I had been so numb for so long.
I still have to take medication for depression, but I've learned to watch which ones don't help. Through experience I have learned when I don't want to get out of bed, and have no motivation to get dressed, or brush my hair, then I'm not getting the proper dosage or the right medication.
So, I'm saying this to suggest that perhaps your wife is not a bad housekeeper, but she's depressed. Maybe she would care more about her looks, if she was taking the correct dosage or correct medication. Everything you've described about her screams that she is very depressed. Just b/c she's taking two anti-depressants doesn't mean they are the right ones for her. When a woman is happy, she feels motivated to have a clean home, and to do things in her life. Oh, and I noticed that when I feel happier, my sex drive is higher, too.
Please, learn about your W's depression. Find out what causes it, how she feels, and see if the doctor will try a different anti-depressant. I feel sorry for the spouses of depressed people. But many of them don't bother to learn more about the illness.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
