#11 - Piecing is hard!

[kiro]

Here is 1 more thought (hopefully I am not hijacking your thread):

If I had never married my W and I met her (the way she was before BD) for the first time now, maybe I wouldn't be attracted to her because, as you say, I changed and what I want now is different from what I wanted 20 years ago.

What I am trying to say is that I choose to love her because she is my W and not because of who she is. And I expected her to do the same toward me. This is what I call a good MR. Two people who choose to love each other, renew their love every day, and choose not to look at anyone else. This is a learned behaviour, which means we have to fight our impulses and our natural inclinations.

As long as we are married and we are both reciprocating that, it works and we can be happy. But when we find out that our partner chose to betray that unspoken deal, everything changes and all options are on the table.

At that point, the deal is off and we don't have to look at that person as our S but as one person among million others. I think the WAS goes through a similar train of thought but they do it while still married. If that train of thought takes over your mind, you're going on a wrong track...