Thanks for the 2x4s. I totally need them and deserve them.
I do understand that in many respects what she proposes is best for the kids; but it’s hard not to just want her to up and leave if she’s so unhappy.
I know W is desperate and emotional right now—and I need to not feed that fire as best as I can. But it feels like everything points back to me—I’m the reason why she wants out, I’m making things worse, etc. Even though I’m deeply conflicted right now, part of me doesn’t want her to leave and I do want things to be smooth (ultimately, no matter what). It’s also hard not to feel guilt for giving her the (real or not) impression that this is such a negative marriage that she has to run away screaming from. What could I ever have done to her? Vapo says that I’m not such a $hitty husband, but it’s really difficult not to feel like I have been.
That said, it is hard to want to be her husband right now, I’ll admit—that if she thinks I’m so terrible, then yeah leave. I have my moments where I’m kinda ready to be done and want to move on, as well. I’m so, so conflicted right now.
But you are also right that I need to take the moral high road and RISE ABOVE. I’ll start that tonight during dinner.
And I’ll also do the 180s—give her that answer, with a specified time.
Last thing—you’re right, using ‘but’ totally undo’s the point of whatever you just said. I’ll stop it.
I need more positive outlets, but GAL’ing is hard. I will never just stick her with the kids out of spite or take off unannounced, but I do want to build-in more things for myself. I’ll stick with the exercise and prayer, and I’ll be seeing an LMFT on 1/21, and I do have the forum to vent to. Honestly, I’d rather vent here than bottle it up or explode it in front of her.
I look like such a mess right now—like I said to TF, I feel like I’m making things worse.
