D was talking to me that she is severely concerned about her mom as she has lost more weight and there may be a very serious health issue. W is 5'8 and now weighs under 110lbs. Prior to having children, when we started dating 21 years ago, she weight 125. That was without the breast enhancement after our son for her self esteem. I didn't oppose it (a little LOL there), but it was totally her choice. Whether she was 170lbs (not pregnant) or whatever weight, I've always viewed her as my beautiful, amazing, desireable wife. If you do the BMI math, that puts her at an anorexic level. But my D thinks my W is in denial about the issue because she thinks it is very bad and refuses to go see a doctor about it. I listened and validated with my D and just told her to support her mom. My other concern is that this may be a medical issue, a major depression issue or a drug abuse issue. Or a combination of the 3. I don't know what else I can do except support my D through this. My W will not share any of this with me (especially if it is the later 2 issues).
This is a very, very difficult subject. If a WAS is having serious health problems, what can the LBS do? It's frustrating to be sure. If you say anything to her she won''t listen. If you say something to friends or relatives then that will get back to her and she will be angry with you that you are "going behind her back" or "trying to rally the troops against her". But the other side of the coin is she may have some serious issues that need addressing. Whenever I see a post like this it reminds me of a LBS that used to post here years ago, he and his W split and he went dark on her. She was having all kinds of struggles but wouldn't listen to him when he said she needed help. He didn't post for a long time and then came back to say that she had committed suicide. I'm sure he at least partially blamed himself for not taking more action. I mean it is not at all his fault, but of course any of us would struggle with feeling like we should have done more.
So my response to you is this- if it gets to the point where you think she is in serious danger of a mental breakdown, or dying of malnutrition, or whatever it may be; then raise the red flag. It will not help your sitch and may very well hurt it, but if she's at the point of life and death then that is more important than your R with her.
