Everywhere I researched on cheating spouses, I found the same recommendation, to not try to stop the A and to let it take its course. In my case, a few days after my W told me she was in love with someone else, I asked her to choose between him and me. She said she chose me, but I'm pretty sure she was lying. (5 months later, she left).
Later on, I started understanding why the recommendation to leave the A take its course. Like everything else about WAS/WW, to be able to reconcile, the WW needs to go through their full cycle and realize by themselves that the grass is not greener on the other side, start seeing their own issues and wanting to come back to the LBS.
If they are pressured by a pursuing LBS, most WWs will run away but I think that some WWs don't have the courage to run and will just give up their fantasy including the A. (This is why, my WW always talked about her courage to leave.). But when they give up their A out of pressure and fear, they continue to fantasize about it and they feel that they have missed out on an opportunity to be happy. In your case, you initiating BD may have caused a similar effect on her. She never got into full blown WW, but she may be still lost.
Originally Posted by LH19
This I believe whole heartily. That's why when the WW/WH says I want a divorce. The only response should be "Do you need help packing your bags"?
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
