I know this is an older post from November but wanted to touch on a few things in case you feel like going down this road again because you are making mistakes that most newer DB'ers make and it's killing your chances:
Originally Posted by MamaB25
Haven’t posted in a while...I’m losing hope badly.
First of all, this is a marathon. You simply cannot DB and expect to see results in weeks or even months. It takes a year or more. You've barely started the race, a good marathon runner most assuredly does not give up hope after running 100 yards.
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Things were going great for a while. Went trick or treating with the kids and it seemed like H was finally letting his guard down. He even was opening up more at the idea of marriage counseling saying he will ask about it or think about it as before it was a bold no.
Stop hanging your hopes on every little thing he says. There are going to be good days and bad days. He's going to throw you crumbs to try and keep you on as Plan B. Don't fall for it. You've got to keep your cool and maintain your distance.
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I messed up and was bad at DBing. Sent endless emails confessing my love and hopes for reconciliation. Text messages.
Don't do that, that is a tremendous amount of pressure on him at a time he wants no pressure. That is how YOU feel, not how HE feels. And right now this is all about HIS feelings.
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A mutual friend found him on a dating site last week. He used a picture from our daughters baby shower !! I was sick to my stomach over this. I confronted him and he sed he made a mistake would delete it right away and that he hates himself and I deserve to hate him.
More pressure. Don't confront, and quit snooping.
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I basically told him to dismiss the divorce and goto therapy come home and work on this marriage or tell me hes 100% for divorce.
That's pressure too. That's what YOU want, not what HE wants. Stop this kind of talk. Give him time and space. Leave him alone to sort this out.
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As of last night he told me “he’s never moving back in”. Hurts to hear but I guess I have to listen.
Drop your expectations. Again, it is FAR TOO SOON for him to be changing his mind. You shouldn't expect to hear him say anything positive for AT LEAST a year. After that he may very well change his mind, right now he doesn't think he will but it has happened plenty of times.
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I pray every day to have my marriage back together and now I just feel hopeless.
Patience!
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He admitted to me last week he wasn’t happy now and hates himself but if that’s true why wouldn’t he try to fix this ??
Because he's confused and doesn't know what he wants. He will eventually sort it out but only after you remove all the pressure from him and give him the time and space he needs.
