Finding the Balance then Tipping the Scale (TWO)

[Adam04]

Feels like I am forcing myself to update on a break at work. I've tried to journal but haven't had it in me lately. I continue to lurk and read, feeling like I'm spreading myself too thin and not accomplishing anything, even if this means I am taking it slow and don't need to ACT on anything and sometimes STFU is best thing to do. I feel bad I haven't been to the gym, maybe worse is that the last week I started online gaming with a brother of mine and a few friends. I've seen what others have felt about online gaming and I get it but I've always been amazed at the artistic side of things and other things like D&D, TCG, and other interactive games. Got my S10 a beginner D&D campaign last year and we've had our own make believe adventures, I know it's nothing compared to going out into the real world and flipping rocks over looking for stuff or running through the woods or any number of other things but for now, we'll go on these journeys together in our head. When S10 was a toddler, he would always want me to tell him a made up story instead of the typical nursery rhymes or bedtime stories. One night we'd be ninjas and the next part of the Royal Guard.

Few minutes left. I think because of being at home, taking care of the kids, feeling like I'm okay with them and then I have something I'm enjoying with the gaming I have stopped thinking about W in a sense. This last weekend we talked About finances, my moving out, and the house. I don't remember all the details. I came to a point many times so far telling myself so this must be what she feels like... from not remembering, maybe not caring, to even being "ok"...