Steve, if it is any consolation at all, I think many of us here yearn to be in your position of actually piecing and trying to work out the difficulties that accompany many marriages. Speaking for myself, I would rather be piecing than waiting.
paco, yes I understand that. I think my sitch is a bit of a cautionary tale. We spend a lot of time talking about the WAS/WS fog: they rewrite history, they never loved their LBS, they blame everything on their LBS, they tried for the whole relationship but the LBS didn't, etc. But the LBS fog is just as powerful and profound. We LBSs tend to make our WAS/WS out to be the essence of perfection prior to BD. In reality, there were many things most of us LBSs were struggling with in our own marriages.
In my LBS fog I forgot how my W is late to everything. That she routinely makes me wait when we are leaving to go somewhere, despite having had plenty of time prior to prepare and get ready. Instead she waits until the last minute and invariably I am sitting waiting for her knowing we'll be late. She was never a great house-keeper, I routinely did the majority of the house cleaning. Prior to becoming WW she had given up on life in many ways (hair never done, ripped worn out clothing despite my constantly telling her to go shopping, terrible diet, etc). Admittedly on the last one she has been much more concerned about her appearance since being a WW than before. She has some quirks and hangups from her childhood and very bad relationship with her father.
The point is that during my LBS fog she became the perfect W that I could never live without, which is obviously is not true. All I ask paco, is for you to look back prior to BD and really do a honest assessment about how happy you really were. A few LBSs truly were happy and got blindsided by BD. Most of us were in unhappy marriages and were unhappy ourselves leading up to BD.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
