Surrendering to grace...

[kiro]

My WW used both justifications (individuation and married too young) among many other things.

Guys, you need to stop doubting yourselves and your core values. They broke their commitent and betrayed our trust. Don’t waste too much time trying to understand. Don’t believe what they say. They became wayward, experienced temptation and acted according to that impulse. They will look for all kind of justification to blame eveyrthing and everyone else instead of taking responsibility for their actions. One can grow and achieve individuation without breaking a marriage.

We all have flaws and make mistakes, but we are still responsible for our actions. What you feel is real. You feel betrayed because they betrayed us. End of story. The rest is all b.s.

Marriage is a contract with clear rules. Monogamy, commitment and trust are among these. But it’s a contract that doesn’t have any penalty clauses. We have to accept that there is a risk that one partner will break some of the rules.

Your decision to wait or move on shouldn’t be based on what THEY say. It should be based on what YOU want. Do you want to forgive and have the patience to wait and see?

I am yet to read a success story where the LBS says “waiting was the best thing I did because we reconciled and we are happier than ever before”. At best, I read stories about people who reconciled and barely made it through.