Steve, i havent read it. this is the first ive been on the site since beginning of Dec. Ill take a look through it later on tonight.
I do still experience the odd "Gut feeling" which is still followed by some action (this happened last week, first time in ages. Wednesday night was very strangely heavy and depressing, 2 days later i got a letter from her Lawyers that was filed on the same day i felt down and out)
Other than that shes water under the bridge. im embarrassed i ever gave her so much mental real estate, after being treated the way i was.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Good to hear from you! That's a fantastic update. Keep it going and congrats on getting your own place. Moving up in life and things are just getting better from here onwards.
Thanks guys. Its been good. I still have fleeting regrets, and moments of sadness and pain. Mostly for S3 and the fact that he will never have a whole and complete family with his Mom and Dad. This is big to me, as i grew up in a "whole" household my whole childhood and it seriously shaped how i view an approach family and relationships. I can go days without her on my mind, but admittedly, if i am reminded of her, or have to talk to her, it still twists up my guts. the important thing is that I need to actively be reminded of her, or look into things myself in order to garner this type of response. I think its just how abruptly and without closure things ended. I know ill never get that closure, and ive made my own.
In so far as recovery is concerned i will say this. When it REALLY began to happen, it was noticeable. I recall being surprised to hear myself laughing genuinely. Enjoying hobbies and even TV Shows i had lost all interest in. 2018 was the darkest time of my life. So confused, hurt, paranoid and several other negative feelings dominated my life for over a year. One thing still hasnt changed, i miss the woman i was presented with, but through much therapy i was able to truly know, that the woman i married never was, nor shall be again.
For a while i struggled with feeling like i "Settled" with Mary. When in reality i was just coming to terms with being with someone who doesnt cultivate an air of perfection. Mary is flawed, and i love her despite those flaws. Not because she lacks them.
Some 2019 Goals: Get back on really working out everyday. I have been slacking since Winter set in. Hike at least 6 4k Peaks in NH get back to sending 5.9 rock climbs. Get a new car.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Continue to be positive. I am only focusing on the positive now.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
I am glad to see how well your doing. And i hope you keep us updated on whats going on with your FIL. Very scary stuff.
I get what your saying about cultivating an air of perfection. My ex was 6'4 went to top schools, had a great job, drove a luxury car. He was super smart. Could fix anything. If he goes on OLD, he will seem like a great catch. But privately he slept till 3pm, had cc debt he kept secret from me and withdrew from his IRA. Lots of indications of a serious addiction. Point being, that its hard to date afterwards and look past the superficial stuff.
I knew I wanted someone that would not leave his wife and kids. That would not leave unless things were drastic. But those people dont always come with fancy cars or degrees.
Zues had a great post talking about what makes up someone. How the outer layers are looks, inner layers personality, job, religion, politics. But at the deep deep layer is someones morality. Or something like that.
She is supportive, caring, patient, fun and energetic. Otherwise not much in the way of updates. Legal sitch is the same. Waiting on courts final descision regarding EX - FIL on Apr. 2Nd S4 has been great, other than telling me few times he wants to stay at my house 24/7.
I've been at my new house for over a month now. That is going well also.
Started a great new job last week. Just looking forward to spring now!
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
HI OrangeK, it's good to hear your updates! That's great you have a girlfriend who is supportive. I'm sure that played a big role in the process of recovering and moving on.
I wish your son could stay at your house 24/7. Sounds like you're the only stability he has in life. I hope you and he can make the most of each day together.
Congratulations on the new house and job!!!
You're in better shape now than you were one year ago! It's great to see that you made it past those dark days. I hope life keeps getting better and better for you.
