My Story Pt 2

[Manta]

Journaling:

No update, but it's a new year and 2018 is finished.

I'm feeling pretty good the last week. With Christmas and New Year over, I'm happy that I made it through. I didn't break NC, or reach out to WW. I have been busy doing outdoor work at home ([parents house) in the garden and back to work yesterday. I haven't cried in over a week and a half. My weight is good, considering it's post-Christmas.

I treated myself to some little gifts and vouchers I received during the holidays.

I'm going to plan a little Sun holiday for myself in March I think. This would be nice. I can't remember the last time I did something good for Manta.

I can't stay living with my parents forever and will start making plans soon to get a place of my own. I need my own privacy and space. Overall Manta is doing well.

I still miss my WW. I do love her still, in my own peculiar way. But I'm not holding out for an R as strong as I was a few weeks ago. I have accepted that she is gone. I have accepted the WW she now is and the poor decisions she has made in her life. One day, her fantasy and affair will crumble.

I know I will hear from her sometime, that's inevitable. I'm still off social media and chat groups. I'm not dating or haven't met anyone. Right now, that's not important for me. I need to get back to feeling normal and happy again. Doing nice things for myself and spending time with family and friends. I'm not holding out for her contact.

Sometimes pangs of sadness and loneliness get me, especially at nights and early in the morning. My sleep has improved also my appetite. It does make me sad/angry knowing how selfish and cruel my WW was towards me and all the lies she told. That's something she has to live with.

I'm proud of myself and how far i have come since August 2018.

I pray and meditate a lot. I hope 2019 will be a good year.

<3 to all of you.