I will tell her that I don't intend to stay in a sexless marriage forever. I don't want it to be a threatening ultimatum, but I will give it until the end of the year. I'm not sure if I will offer this deadline up without her asking. Then I will STFU. I will listen and validate.
Do you mean you will confront her about the SSM and then give her to the end of the year to change it? Man, you have a lot of patience! I'm sure you've heard that women need to make up before they want to have sex. Men want to have sex in order to make up. That situation can become the stand off throughout the M, b/c each spouse is waiting on the other one to make the necessary moves.
It kind of sounds like your plan is to lay it out to her that you aren't going to stay in a sexless M forever, and then wait for her to deliver. I have two thoughts about it. One is that it may shock her a little to be approached with a blunt statement of this sort. Frankly, I don't think it is a bad thing to do, b/c we women tend to think we control how much sex the M has. Sorry to say that there are some who don't really understand or care to consider what it does to a man to go without it for long periods of time. Maybe she needs that frank realization to hit her in the face that you don't have to live without sex, and you won't. As long as you realize the risk involved in making that statement to her.
My second thought is about what you do after making that statement. If you have the idea you'll tell her, and then you'll sit and wait on her to initiate sex.......you may be waiting a longer time than you thought. That sit and wait on her attitude can result in building a higher barrier between the two of you.
I want to encourage you to think of ways of breaking this down as you try to reach your main goal of having a M with sex. I've already suggested to start giving non-sexual touches, and that was around the first of December. Here it is eight days into a new year, and you are still waiting for the right opportunity. Come on, RR!! The woman was sick in bed, and you couldn't touch her face to see if she felt too warm, or pat her shoulder when you went to check on her? This isn't good. It means you've gone so long with no type of physical touch that it may well affect the ability to ease back into showing any physical affection. I mean, I understand how a couple gets to this point of no type of touching, but it is really sad and it often reflects their relationship, IMO. You're making this harder than necessary.
So, I'm saying here that you need to take the lead. You say you are an alpha male, and I'm glad to hear it. My dad was an alpha who knew how to cook a few things and he was not a football fan either. Take the initiative to touch her. I doubt she's going to slap you. If you are watching tv and she enters the room, pat the seat beside you and say, "Come over and sit by me, Good Looking". Keep things light and cheery. A woman isn't going to want to make love if there is always tension or coldness between you. You don't have to jump into being a Romeo. Start by consistently trying to have a pleasant, relaxed, atmosphere. Do you have a pet name for her? Are you still calling her by that pet name? If not, then try it. Are the two of you doing activities together? Why not plan to take her somewhere that will just be a day of fun? No emotional pressures applied......just two people having fun and enjoying each other. These are not hard, and sometimes it can be something little that can start to draw the couple closer. But you've got to put in the effort. You can't just say you aren't going to stay in a SSM and then sit down and wait.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
