W: I’m about to head out, need me to get either of the boys?
[At this time, I’m just about home with them—it’s a few minute drive back to our place]
W, again: I need an answer, do you have them?
Me: We are home.
W: I told you to tell me when you were on your way to get them
Alright well I thought I had explained this in your thread already but maybe I'm getting threads mixed up. Pulling back, giving time and space and detaching does not mean being cold, indifferent, rude and uncaring. Seems like a lot of people around here think the goal is to completely shut their W out and either not respond to texts about kids, or respond in cryptic ways. No matter what else happens, you two are coparents and you need to act like it. The DB'ing approach to texting is sometimes reply right away, sometimes an hour later, and sometimes not at all (if it's nothing important). But what is the --goal-- of that. Well it's to make your W think you are a busy, high value guy with a lot going on in your life. But that is when you are away from home without the kids (honestly it's more a technique to use after separation, it usually backfires when you're still under the same roof). There is no point in being slow to reply if she knows you're at school with the kids, or transporting them to or from school, because she KNOWS you are not GAL'ing, so if you don't reply it just makes you look rude. So be responsive about the kids. That is not pursuit.
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I know I’ve been told I’ve been too available to her recently, but I’m trying to soak up as much time with YS right now, because she’s basically threatening to take them away for half time.
Do you mean as part of a separation? If so that's not really a threat, more of a negotiation point.
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“I really did not appreciate you not texting me back about getting the boys. I also really don’t like the non-answers, or dancing around questions or evading answers. When I ask you a question, I want a direct answer.”
She then tells me that it’s always been that way with me, that things don’t register with me or I don’t get it, and that it makes her so upset.
Me, attempting to validate: I can see that it makes you really upset.
W then accuses me doing it to get back at her, and told me that no matter where our paths lead in life, we will need to work together.
