I sat in the car after having spoken to D4 yesterday, and I realized (again), that holy cow, WW is another person, she doesn't love me, so why do I hang on to something that is no more. I realized, that it might come around in the future, but it will be another lovestory if it happens, the old one is gone. I was shaking and firmly said 10 times "I deserve better than this, so does my kids". It was a good feeling. I just have to live that feeling instead of going down cheesiness tunnels with me trying to mindread every action she takes. Fact is, she chose the OM over me (even said that to my face), and I need to love my self in order to fully heal and be able to love and care for my kids 100%.
That really sums it up right there. The person that we fell in love with and married is gone. I think we have so much trouble accepting that because they still look like the same person. But for whatever reason, the old person is gone and some new person is inhabiting the old body. When I read some of the piecing threads like Steve's or Joe2017's or Blu's it's pretty clear that even if one gets to the piecing phase the challenges are just as great if not even greater. There's no going back to what we had, it's gone. Even if we start down a new path with the WAS it's not going to be the nirvana we imagine it to be. Not sure if you saw JoeJoe1's post in Joe2017's thread, but he said his combat experience in Iraq and horrible loss of his grandmother in Katrina pale in comparison to piecing with his formerly adulterous wife, WOW is that ever a testament to just how difficult piecing is. So yes, we're all going through (or went through) a life change and letting go of the old life is the most difficult part of it. But once we do, there's a great sense of freedom that comes with it.
