The book I am reading makes this point. That society, government, peer-pressure, etc have all made taking the easy way out (DIVORCE) so much more appealing than sticking in and doing the hard work of saving a marriage. In fact, due to so many states now supporting no-fault divorce, this thinking even goes into pre-marriage. "If it turns out I don't like being married to this person, I'll just leave them and find someone new."
Let me tell you, as I've struggled with the walkaway mindset for about a month now, I understand how strong these feelings can be. "The grass is greener." "So-and-so got a D and they seem so much happier and free now." The bombardment of divorce being a freeing experience in popular media. (Look at the recent spat of shows about divorce!) You start to see staying married as a life of misery and no hope. And getting a divorce as being a bright, sunny future.
The book I am reading specifically sets out to undo these myths. The grass isn't greener. So and so isn't so much happier. And divorce is not the freeing experience, especially when kids are involved, that pop culture would like us to believe.
The difference between staying and leaving is to understand that these feelings will make you believe the former and ignore the latter. I think most walkaway spouses end up regretting their decision to D.
These are the things I keep thinking about. I think God sent this latest book into my life to open my eyes back up to what I already knew to be true. R2C, thank you for pointing out the permanence of logic and core values over the temporal nature of feelings!
Steve, I want to point out that you are dealing with an exceptional situation. A WAS is someone who leaves a S who is committed to the M and doesn't know anything is going on inside the WAS's mind before BD is dropped.
In your case, you've been dealing with a S who is not committed as much and who is probably not trying hard enough, while you have been giving it everyone you got. You are totally justified to be drained and tired.
It's good that you are reading this book, but I don't think you are discovering that stuff for the first time. I'm pretty sure we've already had several chats in the past about these same topics. And if I remember correctly, you already knew that stuff about society influencing this trend and that the grass is not greener.
Don't be too hard on yourself. You deserve a break.. but hang in there and keep faith alive.
Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14 BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017 Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019
