You need to get away from the house. You are way to available for her. She cannot feel your absence if you are there. Dont feel bad about waffling or wanting desperately to feel the love of your old W. Also, do not dwell on the mistakes you made in the past.
Okay, will try that.
You cannot change the past. If you feel bad about the past, acknowledge your mistakes, ask for forgiveness and never repeat those mistakes again.
Also, welcome to being human. Everyone makes mistakes and makes bad decisions. It happens.
I’m at this point mostly past beating myself up for the past. I’ve been trying to implement 180’s where I can, and change many of my behaviors and attitudes.
You cant fight for your marriage when the other spouse is not also fighting. You will just dig yourself deeper into depression doing that.
Be a ghost man. You put yourself in an extremely difficult situation where you end up wanting to give into the acts of service love language.
You can only benefit from acts of service when in an active loving M.
True that—hard to fight when she doesn’t want to fight for it. It’s like pulling on a rope, and instead of her pulling me towards her, I’m only falling backwards. Acts of service is my love language (how I give love)—but this is only for a functional, healthy MR. I’ve felt plenty taken advantage of, both in the past and currently.
She is manipulating the holy crap out of you. She dropped BD, makes you feel like a failure and then expects you to just complete her honey do list?
Do not do anything for the sole benefit of her or to please her. Why would you want to give to someone who is not appreciative of the giving? Why continue to run around at her direction when she has taken you for granted?
You are going to get stuck smack in the middle of feeling horrible all the time if you keep this up.
I’m just about done doing things for her. So, yeah—I’m here.
My WW was complaining the other day how I haven't been helping her etc. I told her "I am not here for your convenience, I am not your friend that's here to jump at every opportunity to help you."
I am not her friend, I am her husband. But she doesn't want me as her H. So why in the world would I keep up the acts of service for someone who would treat me like I dont matter anymore? This.
Go read the boundaries post. Also sit down and plan two weeks of GAL, part of it alone and part with the kid. I am either out all night, every night, with friends, alone or with my kids. I come home after WW is in bed.
Okay. Will re-read boundaries post, and work on GAL’ing. Idea occurred to me to find a Super Bowl party for me to go to, as well. Last year, before S hit the fan, we went to one—not gonna make the mistake of going out and looking like a happy couple.
