She asked "what do I need to do to show you that I want to fix this". I didn't answer...as I feel it's not my job to tell her what to do. She needs to figure that out...not do it because I told her.
Actually, you can't trust her to figure it out. Sometimes, they aren't in the right condition to figure it out, especially if she's still thinking like a WW. This is the perfect time to tell her your terms. There can be no contact of any type with OM for the rest of her life. Never! This is nonnegotiable. She blocks everything from him. She can't even like something on on SM. She has to agree to being transparent. She cannot have any secret friendships. The two of you see a therapists who deals with couples healing from an affair.
BTW, don't agree to you being transparent with her (like some crazy H's do, in their attempt to get her to go alone with it). You are the faithful spouse. You are the betrayed spouse here. She is the wayward spouse, and transparency is about her being accountable. If she has a problem with it, rest assured she is not serious about saving the MR.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
