I know that I am not really in a position to say what I am about to say, because I have not and will not likely walk in your shoes. And I'm sure others won't agree.
You made the decision that you wanted her in your life and that you could forgive her. It sounds like she is trying, maybe not as linearly or as quickly as you want, but trying nonetheless. I think you have to fulfill your end of the bargain and let go of the anger from the past. I'm not saying rug sweep, and I think she should completely be held accountable for her actions moving forward. But I do think you have to forgive and let go of the things she has done in the past. Otherwise your anger is just another wall that will keep you guys apart. Let the past be in the past and let go of the need for the grand apology. Holding onto the need for that will just keep you stuck. Look at every day that she is there and trying as her telling you that she is sorry and that she made a mistake and wants to be there with you and the kids.
