Ah, OK that makes sense. I think that sounds fine then, the way you phrased it before made it sound like she was doing 100% of it.
Yeah, my bad. Can only type so much and only anticipate so much.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Well the idea is to not initiate texting, phone calls and emails. The idea you are trying to send to her is not that you are being cold and dismissive, it's that you are busy. A lot of people around here don't quite grasp that. You're trying to portray that you are high value. A high value person has a lot going on, they're constantly on the move. If they don't reply to your text or answer your phone call, you don't think they are being rude, you think they are just occupied elsewhere. So that's the idea. But you mentioned the two of you driving together and you're not saying anything to her. Now that is a different situation, because she knows you're not busy doing something else. That's the difference. So yes don't initiate contact with her. But if you're caged up in the car with her then it's ok to talk and be friendly.
I’ve been doing that...not responding to texts, at least right away.
W told me this morning about dropping boys off and gave me instructions for getting YS. I did break recent character and asked her how it went. She said she’s a bit of a wreck—haven’t done anything with it, but also teaching classes right now helps.
But yeah being in the car is kinda rough. It’s hard for me to want to initiate conversations with her right now—I haven’t really been finding her emotionally attractive recently, and this weekend kinda sealed the deal. Why reward this? Of course, for me, I should ditch the mindset of ‘punishing’ her, but I just straight up don’t find her emotionally attractive. To me, it does serve to protect me (though I also need to get away from the punitive ‘that’ll teach her / show her what she is missing’ mindset). It does help with emotional attachment (or lack thereof) / detachment—because if we start talking it can remind me of who she was and I could get caught up into what could be. But it also hurts because I feel so so bad about what was. Almost seems like a no-win.
As SoTorn also mentioned, I have no interest in being friend-zone’d. I’m not her roommate, not her gay boyfriend, not her BFF—I’m still her husband, and I deserve to be treated like it.
Hence also my lack of interest in doing things for her around the house. Not really interested. But I’ll do it if it benefits the boys—but not her.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
I think SoTorn nailed it, "She wants you to be of service to her but she doesn't want you emotionally." She only wants you when it's convenient for her and when she gains something from it. But when it comes to emotional support and intimacy, that's where you've been fired.
Yup, this is straight up spot-on. And that’s what really hurts—and what to me looks / seems so selfish, is that she only wants from me what is convenient for her—not just being fired emotionally, but also physically (and even spiritually too). She can’t pick and choose—either all or me, or not. Not cool, not OK, and it’s gotta stop. And that’s where I’m coming from with me venting here about what she will miss—she thinks she can try and D me and still get all the features and benefits of an MR? No thank you. Which is why I also find the idea of maintaining 2 residences to be absolutely ludicrous. She wants to play family but not actually be family. It’s for the kids. Of course.
