Piecing is harder than I thought it would be. One day at a time...
I wouldn't consider this Piecing. I wouldn't even consider it a reconciliation. You are just dating and talking. That's all.
I think she hit you too quickly, and according to the dates on your posts, she immediately started letting you know that she wanted to M you. But you have not healed emotionally from the pain she caused, so you are experiencing doubts.
You have unhealed wounds. I think you have a lot of resentment that you never addressed. And, you have this need to punish her. IMHO, the two of you should not move in together or become too cozy until you've seen a therapist that mainly deals with healing after an A. The divorce did not take care of those issues. You can't pretend to wipe the slate clean and start over, b/c those doubts, resentments, and other negative thoughts will plague you and prevent you from experiencing the full benefits a couple has a right to enjoy in a close, loving, and confident relationship.
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I think she is lying a bit to save face. Yes, I looked at her phone. Gotta validate, right?
I think the word you meant to use is "verify". Do you think she is lying about how many guys she slept with, or about her GGW activity? I can only try to imagine how very painful it must be to think of your spouse engaging in those inappropriate activities. This was during the period where you were divorced, right? Perhaps you see her as being tainted......compared to how she was when she became your virgin bride. This might be something to address to a qualified therapist. And, btw, I am not implying any of your feelings are wrong. I'm saying that I don't think you have healed enough to undertake another intimate and committed relationship with her at this time. Get the healing first.
Don't misunderstand me. You have made progress with your personal life, GAL, 180's, etc. You were feeling like a new man, right? These are all positive things. However, I sense that instead of you seeking therapy, you just thought you would not have to address your negative feelings about her.....since you were divorced and would probably never be in each others lives again. Now, that she is pursuing you and wants to get M again, these unresolved negative feelings are resurfacing. It's going to play havoc with your head, going forward. You need this type of therapist who will address your concerns about her slipping back into a wayward pattern again. You have a fear of being hurt again......and who wouldn't? Nobody could blame you for taking precaution before entering into a MR with the person who hurt you the worst.
Please consider making it a top priority to see this type of therapist. Both of you need these sessions, b/c you are not prepared to enter into a second MR with each other........especially you. If you really want to give another relationship your best......then both of you will seek some method that keeps you emotionally on track and accountable. That's not to say you can't still see each other and continue to date if that's what you want. I know you say you're taking things slowly, but it's not slow enough. It's not necessary to jump into M again, is it? Don't you have plenty of time?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
