two steps forward, three steps back (burned)

[burned]

this whole D thing is nothing more than one whopper of a temp check on your part to try and "wake her up". That is NOT a reason to push D through.

I see that now, and I was warned against it a couple months ago when I first started getting this urge to move things along. The pressure of external "encouragement" along with some impatience on my part, is what led to it. Then again, I've done it before and she never followed up when I backed off. Why, I don't know.

This is by far the strangest experience I've ever had, in my entire life, and I had kind of a wild time when I was in college. How can you SAY you want something, ACT consistently as if you want it, over the course of MONTHS...and yet maybe not want it? SHE is the one that needs to put her money where her mouth is, not me.

I make myself dizzy trying to figure out what she's getting out of this limbo or why she keeps kind of nudging me around. You could argue that her message about "let's get things moving" was her baiting me, and I took that bait.

So now I find myself in the position of having taken the bait, solidified my plan B status even further (I could have sworn she was getting ready to commit to OM so I don't see the reason to have me as plan B, but anyway)...and basically set the D wheels in motion. I could have listened to my gut about how "talking about D" is a control strategy rather than a decision, and suggests that she isn't going to do anything. But I was a hungry little fish. Why? Because I haven't been GALing, duh.

I'm going to just back off and wait. I'll try to stay extra busy to keep my mind off of this. I have to see what her next move will be. Then I will consult here before I do or say ANYTHING.

Picking myself back up again...