DC, you are getting some great advice, but much more importantly- you are FOLLOWING the advice. Well done! I know it's not easy as your intuition is probably telling you to do something else, but in dealing with a wayward the "tough love" approach is the only one that works. It's frankly not a lot different than dealing with a drug addict.
Originally Posted by DC421
She said in her begging this morning that she would commit to NC with the OM. Saying she will block him on social media, phone, blah blah blah. She also volunteered the transparency piece too. I didn't respond to her on that part of the conversation. Like I said before (I think) - I told her words are easy and that she was in bed with OM just hours ago...so I don't believe anything you say.
Exactly right. Someone addicted to heroin is more than happy to swear to give it up within an hour or so of their last hit but those are hollow words indeed. Wait until the withdrawals are in full swing and THEN see what their attitude is, most can think of nothing more than getting another hit no matter what damage it means to their life. It is the same with your W. She is a liar, it goes hand-in-hand with the cheating. So really what she is committing to is to lie about all things great and small to make you think she's "come clean".
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She asked "what do I need to do to show you that I want to fix this". I didn't answer...as I feel it's not my job to tell her what to do.
She needs to do the things Sandi said, and she needs to show those things consistently for MONTHS before you should be willing to believe that maybe she's serious. That should be the challenge you pose to her. Give up OM, offer full transparency (give you all social media passwords, access to her phone whenever you want) and show you consistent, changed behavior for 2 or 3 months minimum and THEN you can discuss where to go from there. A wayward who is still a wayward will not accept these terms and will call you controlling and manipulative and accuse you of not having faith and trust (as if they deserve that!) A truly repentant WAS who genuinely wants to save the M will be willing to do this and more though.
