Everything you do is a ploy to get he back, rather than to better yourself.
she comes to you with the D paperwork. You don't fight it and do your part. There, that isn't avoidance, and it also isn't a tactic to get her back. I think your 180's aren't being done quite properly. Change things YOU would like to see changed in yourself, not what your W wants to see.
My ex pretty much was willing to hand anything over to begin his life with his OW. We didn't have much, anyways. But we did share a kid. He just wanted "standard" custody, which was not 50/50. every other weekend and one night a week. There was nothing more he wanted than to start his life with his OW and he got that. They have been married for 7 years now, lol. Did I hand it to him? No. Did I fight him and try to delay it? No. I am in the camp of, if you don't want to be here, I am not going to force you to be. because that isn't love.
She may have been resolved to this for a long time. She probably has done the mourning you are doing and you didn't know it.
Db will work for you when you work it. Just like AA. It may not save your M, but it will save you and future R's.
