Feelings constantly change. Keep moving forward using logic and your core values.
Read your response last night but didn't respond. But it has been bouncing around in my head.
This is exactly what sets apart those that try to stay in their marriage and fix things, and a walkaway mindset. The book I am reading makes this point. That society, government, peer-pressure, etc have all made taking the easy way out (DIVORCE) so much more appealing than sticking in and doing the hard work of saving a marriage. In fact, due to so many states now supporting no-fault divorce, this thinking even goes into pre-marriage. "If it turns out I don't like being married to this person, I'll just leave them and find someone new."
Let me tell you, as I've struggled with the walkaway mindset for about a month now, I understand how strong these feelings can be. "The grass is greener." "So-and-so got a D and they seem so much happier and free now." The bombardment of divorce being a freeing experience in popular media. (Look at the recent spat of shows about divorce!) You start to see staying married as a life of misery and no hope. And getting a divorce as being a bright, sunny future.
The book I am reading specifically sets out to undo these myths. The grass isn't greener. So and so isn't so much happier. And divorce is not the freeing experience, especially when kids are involved, that pop culture would like us to believe.
The difference between staying and leaving is to understand that these feelings will make you believe the former and ignore the latter. I think most walkaway spouses end up regretting their decision to D.
These are the things I keep thinking about. I think God sent this latest book into my life to open my eyes back up to what I already knew to be true. R2C, thank you for pointing out the permanence of logic and core values over the temporal nature of feelings!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
