two steps forward, three steps back (burned)

[burned]

you pulled the D trigger just to get a response from her

It’s what she wanted, asked for, etc. I’ve been accused of being controlling, manipulative, egocentric, clinging. I give her what she wants as a first step in trying NOT to be those things.

You are playing in her hand beautifully.

Is there anything to be gained from being oppositional?

that is in fact just fancy wording for lying to yourself and making excuses for yourself so you do not have to do any work. Classic avoidance that is. And also you are actively sabotaging yourself. One has to wonder if you are sabotaging yourself in other aspects of your life as well.

You hit the nail on the head, obviously. My question is still along the same lines: if I’m learning to fight avoidance, and doing the work that I don’t want to do, namely, letting her go and giving her the D she wants...isn’t that progress, at least for me? Like, a first step so that then I can start doing the rest of the work, unencumbered by the guilt I feel for refusing to do what she asks?

I appreciate the time you take to respond. I’m doing my best but it’s a long road ahead. I’m just really, really confused by all of the different advice I get.

Anything else I can do now, or will it make it worse if I back down?