Re: Moving past the WAW to a stronger me Pt. 5

[Davide]

Hi folks!

I'm just going to journal a bit since it has been a while. Nothing grand to report. I am now finishing up the winter vacation and about to head back to school tomorrow. It has been rejuvenating and sad at the same time. The 10-11 hour drive to visit my parents is one that I had done so many times with the W that it is hard not to be reminded of previous trips. Still, it was great to be surrounded by people who love me, and I was able to visit high school and college friends as well. New Years Eve was spent at my best friend's house for a party with his wife and four kids and other families. I have seen so much of his family in the last year that the kids now all know me and are excited to see me and talk to me or play ping-pong with me. They give me big hugs as their uncle Davide. It almost feels like being part of a family, and it reminds me of why I valued having a family of my own. There was just so much love in the air.

That said, coming back home and to my "normal" life is a bit of a relief. I joined my friends for a great group bike ride on Thursday evening. I have resumed my yoga practice, going to three sessions in four days. I went back to the rock climbing gym twice, once with a new climbing partner (and got my first v6 in over 6 months!) Even without work there are certain routines that both give structure, but also meaning and connection to my life.

I have also continued to pursue dating on-line and have been conversing with a number of women. Most of them don't know about my separated status until we meet for the first time. It just feels too personal to bring up while texting, although if asked I would never lie. I had a few dates this weekend, including a second date with a very nice woman who is in the same boat -- separated and waiting out the 1 year period. It was nice to be able to talk to her openly about the situation, and even ask her advice since she has been separated a bit longer. I had little to no expectations going into the date, but she really opened up and showed more spunk than I had seen earlier and we connected well. I still have some other dates in the works, but I am willing to commit to just one person if it progresses and continues to feel right. I am also very consciously maintaining my social life, eating out with friends, biking, climbing, and making the dating fit in around that. I talked about that with my date on Saturday and she said that she did the same thing with horseback riding - that it was sacrosanct time for her. I think it is important to maintain that balance from the outset since the opening stages of a relationship can very easily become all-encompassing.

Ironically, I got a text from W during the date, just to let me know that she is back in town, to set up the dog schedule, and to touch base about finances. On the drive over I was also reminded of her as I had to pass by an emergency room where I took her years ago after a bad rock climbing fall. What most surprised me was how quickly any thoughts of her left my head after receiving the message. I went back to my date and immediately lost myself in conversation with her. My thoughts on the drive home were completely on my date and how unexpectedly positive an experience it had been.

So, overall things are going well. It feels good to have tangible signs that I am moving on with my life, although clearly most of the work has been internal. So little of my time is spent ruing or even thinking about my sitch. I deal with it when I need to, but focus my energies on the positive aspects of my life, which are multitudinous. Gratitude is an essential part of my daily life and I try to express it as often as I can.