So my WW came home and she talked about the bill. I took Joe's advice and said "Not my bill". Well, that hit her hard. And she cried. And she asked why I was an [censored] to her. The unresponsive calls and texts, the way I talk about bills, and the fact that she dreads coming home when I am home because I am angry/moody/vindictive.
All valid points.
She told me about my behaviors the last six years and how I treated her when she was pregnant, and afterwards. Basically, I owned up to it.
She has also dropped hints that I was the one who said the marriage was over, how else should I take what she has done up to that point? She told me that I said that I did not care about her first date, giving off the impression that I moved on, when I clearly was not.
Our plan now is to get our debt paid off. WW will be looking for a place of her own soon. We'll see where we are at in the next six months.
I did not dare tell her anything regarding R. At all. AFAIK, that is not an option anymore (to her).
She feels like she has been supportive of all my improvement efforts and has acknowledged the change. She says she tried to be there for me and I keep putting up a wall between her and I.
I validated all of her points, and agreed that yes, I was an [censored] to her for so long. And I regret it.
Finally, I told her that I forgave her. I cannot continue to be vindictive and angry anymore. There is a way to lovingly detach.
I have no idea where go. I am trying to accept that a D is not an "if" but a "when". But I'd be lying if said I want it to happen. I don't. I really don't. And I'm wondering if I have caused more damage in the last couple of months then heal. Because WW sure feels like I hurt her.
