Figuring Out What Comes Next

[DonH]

Well maybe your charity deed on this trip will be to point out to her that if this guy will cheat with her he'll cheat on her.

Already done as we spoke about him and this on the phone. It may sound odd based on how she has been portrayed by me here but she is rather open about most things. She was pretty open about him and it sounded like some of the stories on here. Remember he is getting out of a 14 year LTR for which they just recently started living together. I have no idea where his head is at but this screams of rebound. His recent live-in GF may come back. He may decide it's all been too fast. Who knows? I encouraged her to slow down and keep her eyes open - which I guess if she's going on a cruise with me, that's keeping the brakes on in some respect LOL. I'm sure her and I will talk about it in a few weeks.

Yes - there are consequences to your not having a companion on the cruise. Is that a reason to take someone else's girlfriend?

Well I think that's a bit melodramatic and out of context. You make it sound like I pursued a woman who had been dating a guy seriously for two years and was in a LTR with him and tried to steal her away, when in fact, she was committed to go on this cruise months before they even got together. Their budding R still very, very new. Then again as I've said rationalization is the second strongest human drive so I may be rationalizing this to make it sound better and make myself feel better.

I know that here there have been discussions including myself on multi-dating and there are diverse opinions on that. My current opinion is no.

I think this is something each person has to decide on their own. I'm mostly concerned that everyone knows what's going on so they make an informed decision. Some people can't date more than one person at a time. Some have never had the opportunity to so they have never had the chance. For me, as long as everyone knows I think it's very healthy - especially early on. Dawn dated two guys at once. They both were aware of it. She then got more serious with one. Sleeping with both - yeah that is another notch up the ladder for sure. In my and Wild Girl's case we each knew the other was or could date others. I told Online girl about Wild Girl (in general terms) and told Wild Girl about Online Girl. No one is sneaking around. If any party is not comfortable, they are free to exit the situation. As for me, I've dated three women since this started but have been intimate with only one.

Also, Dawn and I are very much in the "old fashioned" camp where both she and I are uncomfortable with in my own situation of me dating someone who doesn't openly acknowledge me / isn't divorced.

This is much like dating more than one person at a time. I think it's up to each individual to decide. That said, I know I and others have stated that based on what you've told us, we don't believe you have really dated CL. I know you believe you have but let me give you a comparison. Last month I met a very nice lady my exact age for lunch. We met at the restaurant and hugged when we greeted each other. We talked for several hours with her grabbing my hand, arm, etc. to make a point. We laughed and had a great time. When we left there was another warm hug and a small kiss on the lips. THIS WAS NOT A DATE - because she is married. I've known her and her husband for over 25 years and she kisses me and acts like that with me right in front of him. He was thrilled I was willing to go to a "fu fu" restaurant he refuses to visit and even thanked me the next time the three of us were together. Also not long ago I picked a woman up and took her to dinner. We were together for three hours in much the same manner. She is married as well and once again I know her husband. I think the kiss was on the cheek, I really don't remember. Based on you and CL - I'm dating these women, which is clearly not the case. But again, it's not up to me to decide. You think, feel and believe you have dated CL so that's what is important and I will go by that - you have dated CL.

For me - I would not be dating someone else's girlfriend. Not that they are "property" but because there are norms in our society that I respect.

I'm confused as to how you would not date someone else's girlfriend but you will date someone else's wife? CL is still married - correct? She is currently someone else's wife. I would say norms of society would frown on that much more than a brand new boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, but again it's how everyone views it and like I've said, rationalization is such a strong drive.

In the end, I'm totally fine with what I'm doing. If I had pushed, coursed, or even gently nudged Wild Girl to still go, I might feel a bit worse. This was 100% her decision. We are not sneaking around or hiding anything. I'm sure she will post pictures on FB that the new guy will see. That is all between her and him - not me. Just as I was not an other man taking my friends wife to lunch/dinner in that their husbands were very well aware of it, it's the same here - unless more happens. I'm not planning on that but I'd also be lying if I said there was no possibility it could happen over 10 days with lots of alcohol in a semi-romantic setting like this. I'm not going to pursue anything, however, but I see them at least similar. Clearly, having lunch or dinner is worlds apart from an 8 day vacation and sleeping in close quarters - no doubt about it. Oh, and I should also add, I also had actually dated both of those woman much earlier in life. The dinner lady I think was 17 when we "dated" and we've been friends ever since. The lunch lady my age I was intimate with before she was married and her and I too are very good friends to this day. I've not crossed any lines with either of them - ever.

So, right or wrong, I'm totally good with it from a morality standpoint - again as long as everyone knows and agrees as consenting adults. As for how I feel about Wild Girl, that's still a work in progress. My focus was so exclusively on how I assumed she backed out without telling me and all of the ramifications of the "free" cruise and flights going up in smoke and what I might have to endure that I'm only now focusing on how I feel about her. Without a doubt the shine is really gone. I'll make the best of it but it's clearly not going to go like I was hoping 3 or 4 months ago. I'm sure I'll put more words to that as I work through it this week. Like most things in life, I'm learning a lot.