LBS dealing with WW (part 7) (piecing?)

[joejoe1]

Joe,

I was hard on my W for the first few months as well. I remember one day she just broke, just broke down, started shaking and crying, she couldn't talk. It had to be around 5 or 6 months into piecing. What she told me, hit me hard. She said, she is trying her hardest to show me she wants to be with me and only me, but I was making impossible demands. And she was right. I was always finding reasons for her to fix something. Because I always was looking for her wrongs. She was right. I was so worried about looking for her hurting me again, I was looking at her in a narrow light. She started going down the list of all she was doing, and I didnt see quite a bit of what she was doing right. When a person hurts us we tend to hold that hurt over their head.

You are right to be hurt, but if you truly know you can't get over it. It's time for you to let her know. It's hard I know, but if you keep looking at her in a light of who she was while she was WW, you won't see the new her.

I had to do a lot of reading and video watching on how to trust again. And Trust is something that comes with consistency and seeing consistency takes time.

You can't rush this one buddy. It's no words she can tell you that will heal you, only her actions. When people are WW they do a whole lot of things that are against their morals. Also when she was with most of those guys she wasn't married to you, is that right? If that's the truth, holding that over her head is unfair. You'll weren't together, so dwelling on that will only bring more pain.

Your W actions are showing you what's she wants. I start making rules for R and M talks. We only do them at night, away from the kids and they only last around 30 mins, especially when talking about the past. We save deep talks for our counseling sessions. I also write down my questions, so I can go back and reference, if I had asked that question before. I also write down her answers, to go back and reference.

When I started doing that my questioning sessions got less and less, especially ones about the A. Now my questions and comments are more about what she isn't doing. I also comment on what she's doing right. She tells me what I can work on as well. We are keeping each honest. She isn't the only one with work and improving to do.

I say your W actions are showing you she wants to be with you. Your W will get frustrated as well. It's not easy on either side of this journey.