13 years and 2 kids pt. 4.

[Hurt213]

LH,

Please, pick on me. Because I am stuck, and your honesty is what helps me in my darkest moments of doubt. These moments are occurring but there seems to be longer inbetween them. It is when I happen to hit these spots that I doubt my entire mission and my way of doing things. I see, when I reread my journaling hours later today, how I know the answers to my questions.

Moving forward: I have gone dim on WW so far. I am still content, upbeat and happy around her, and I do listen, validate and STFU if she engages in conversation.

I have ended the IHS and we now each has 7 days in the house (me at my parents when she has the kids, and her at OMs house). So I think that is a big step towards me having an easier time detaching and healing when I don't see her every morning and every night.

Fact is: You are right, AMOAFWL is not about telling her, it is about me experiencing what life has to offer, and if she is interested, then she will notice, if not, then some other lovely person will. It is about me.

I am going to message her on her birthday, and I am not going about this for a response. I will do this from a place of strength, because I am a nice person, and this is my way of treating people I know. Me not wishing her a happy birthday, would be me wanting a reaction from her. I hope that makes sense. Even if she treated me like garbage.

I am actually running 15-20 miles weekly and hitting the gym 4 times a week, so I am really engaging my mind and body into physical exercise, and I love it.

I am basically going to just respond to things related to my kids and finances.

I do call my kids every night to say goodnight, and maybe that should change, but it is not to get a reaction or talk with WW, it is to listen and talk to my D4 because she has a lot to tell. I basically tell my WW by text, that if D4 has the time, she can call me before bed, and then she borrows WWs phone. We talk, and then when she is bored (happens rather quickly at the age of 4) she says,, "love you dada" and hangs up before I get to answer. <-- When WW is out she doesn't call the kids, however I would not hesitate calling up and letting the kids talk with her if she wanted to of course, because D4 enjoys it, and likes sharing about her day. <--- Thoughts?