13 years and 2 kids pt. 4.

[Hurt213]

Journaling:

So here I am, sitting on my parents couch in the living room, journaling.

Yesterday I left for their house when WW arrived home. I did not initiate any form of conversation, and neither did she. I just acted upbeat, content and generally happy about myself.

I went through an emotional rollercoaster, and I still am at this point 24 hours later. At one moment, I am happy about getting out of the house, putting distance between us, and not having to look at my broken relationship everyday. On the other hand, I feel like I am being counterproductive as towards showing her, that I am indeed a person only a fool would leave, since our interactions will be very limited? (she is together with a new man, and I shouldn't really bare, but I do, a lot of that is probably also for the kids sake). I read somewhere, that nobody should stay together for the kids sake, however 100% of relationships should be worked on for the kids sake before giving up. She just gave up.

I just came home from a 5 mile walk, had a bite, and now im getting some work in that I have been behind with due to my sitch. Yesterday night I called D4 and spoke with her about her day, she was really happy and had a fun day with mom, which was great to hear, she and S1 are my only concern and they seem to cope really well in this mess.

So my struggles so far: Accepting that things are the way they are, and I don't need WW in order to live satisfying and hole. <-- This is up and down and will be easier now with the IHS done.

2. How often should I call my kids? Every night to say goodnight? or just every second night? I don't want to seem needy, and I need to be in contact with WW in order for me to call them.

3. Do I only respond to texts regarding kids, things she can't figure out without my help, and just ignore everything else? (I haven't heard from her at all since I left, and most likely won't as long as new boyfriend is in the picture - but in case I do, its nice to know how to respond).

4. Her birthday is wednesday. I bought a couple of little presents from the kids for her. I am writing her a card with something like "Dear mom. Happy birthday, we love you very much. Love from S1 and D4" <-- do I include my name on that card? Do I text her happy birthday? and how would that text sound? I won't be there for her birthday if you were wondering.

5. Am I doing alright here? I am in my own kind of fog it appears, and I am having a hard time navigating. Most of this stems from the fact that we weren't married (however together for 12 years, bought house and had two kids), she broke up, she did initiate EA with this guy before she broke up, she then made it PA the day after she broke up, however didn't inform me of AP (asked her straight the night she broke up), and she decided to go to MC with me for a month before it was revealed by accident (I saw on the PC a log of them sexting, talking about the positions that they had used the day before, and how they were looking forward to trying new things to each other........... wish I hadn't seen it). So I am working from the DB principles who apply to married people, but don't know if basically she is just a WAW that started a new life? I go back and forth between this often.

6. I will be fine, I am a good person with good values, I will make WW or some other woman happy in the future, but for now, I need to find me, be there for my kids, and follow the advice I get from you all, which I really appreciate.