Hey P - it's been a while and I've just caught up.
I agree with others. It doesn't matter what label we put on our S leaving - it is what it is and we just need to deal with it. I do think (and I am no expert) that there is a difference between a WW and a WAW but only in that one needed an affair to finally give them the courage to leave and the other, well, they drew strength from something else and now that they have it, they are not likely to back down. I feel (with no evidence whatsoever) that a WW is more likely to hit rock bottom first as they needed the affair to give them the strength to leave - if/when the affair ends then the crutch is gone.
However, in both cases, the spouse was fundamentally unhappy in the R.
I wanted to pipe in on the how long does it take to become fully detached. I don't think there is a universal timeline. It depends on how much contact you have, your own and their personality traits, and how intertwined your emotional well beings are. And of course, children. I will say that if you are still asking then you are not detached. You will know that you are detached when it no longer matters to you whether you are detached or not.
